[PART I]

[Verse]
There's many words that sound like slurs
But aren't in fact, you see
So don't dismay at what you say
They're perfectly PC
Why, you can mention chinks if they're in your armor
Speak if "spick" if you say, "and span"
Spook a crow if you're a farmer
Have a nip of kraut from the hot dog man

[Bridge]
(I still don't think that you should be saying these words)
Ah, but within the context, they're perfectly innocent
(But that's not what people think when they hear them)
Well, that's okay, Zach, you just have to explain yourself every single time you use them
(Did you write this song just so you could say these words?)

[Verse]
Plug a dyke if you mean a dam
Bum a fag, why, thank you, ma'am
A carabinger used for climeys
Don't look now but something's limey
(What the fuck?)
These chips of citrus fame
I eat them at the Redskins game
(That name's not cool, guys! What the hell?!)
It's sanctioned by the NFL
(I haven't heard that song in a coon's age)
(Woah, woah, you definitely can't say that word)
No, it actually comes from an ancient folk legend that says that raccoons are very long-lived
A history of racial intolerance is the only thing that stands between you and saying, "Coon" as much as you want
As long as you mean the animal
(I'm just not gonna say it at all)


[PART II]

[Verse]
Say there, Caldwell, why do you snigger?
I snigger from all the niggling chiggers
The snigger was triggered by niggling chiggers?
Indeed it was, now my sniggers grow bigger
Sounds like you need a drink. Take a swig from this jigger
(Hahaha, don't mind if I do)

(We've received complaints from all of your coworkers, now, I know the words you're saying aren't technically slurs, but they're making everyone uncomfortable)
Ah, but that's the trick of it You see, every word can make you uncomfortable if you say it in the right tone
(It doesn't even have to be a real word)

[PART III]

[Verse]
Like Jeffer, and stiz, and krunt, and goobo
Fike, and snozz, and fucking choobos
Bluehead, redback, tingum, and tango
Garglers, gringlers, plumpers and—
[Outro]
(Oh, that was a real one)