It's Newcastle versus Liverpool
Trent has it, surely that's a foul by Gordon
No, Trent has been booked for dissent
Gordon has it, surely that's a second yellow
No, the ref's shat himself and Trent stays on
Salah plays it back to Trent
Oh my, Reece James fanboys will get a hard one watching that
Claire Balding is one-on-one
Goal, Claire Balding scores
And the Newcastle manager is shushing Klopp (er, hello?)
Isak is through, red card! (what?!)
Oh my, Nemanja Vidic fanboys will get a hard one watching that
Where are you going boss?
I mean, Jason?
Going to get the dressing room ready for the team photo of our win
Okay boss, I mean Jason
While he's gone, I think I'll take off our best players

Darwin, Darwin Núñez (¿si?)
He came from the Benfica to the big Reds
It's time I subbed you on for the big reds (¿que?)
Darwin, Darwin Núñez (¿si?)
Es hora de que te ponga para los grandes rojos (¡oh! ¡si! ¡si!)

Darwin, Darwin Núñez
He came from the Benfica to the Reds bench
It's frightening with him and Luis Díaz (díaz?!)
There's nobody else like Darwin Núñez
Pete Boc!
Darwin, Darwin Núñez
He came from the Benfica to the big Reds
It's frightening with him and Luis Díaz
There's nobody else like Darwin Núñez

Jesus Christ
You're almost as tone-deaf as Man United's press release on Mason Greenwood
Oh (ha!)
Luckily for you, Darwin is here to save the day yet again
Metronome, tuning fork
For me? (para ti)
Let's try this again, in time and in tune
1, 2, 3, 4

Darwin, Darwin Núñez
He came from the Benfica to the big Reds
It's frightening with him and Luis Díaz
There's nobody else like Darwin Núñez