*Cut to a BLU Pyro firing a blast of flame from its Flamethrower. The Pyro thrusts its weapon in the air and laughs triumphantly as a rocket heads towards it from off screen.*

Pyro: *Rocket hits Pyro, who is gibbed.* Owh!

*Cut to BLU Demoman taking a drink, also getting blown up by a rocket from off screen.*

*Cut to BLU Heavy performing the High Noon taunt.*

Heavy: "Pow!" *Is hit by a crit rocket, explodes.*

*Meet the Soldier Title Card*

*Cut to the Soldier, drilling what appears to be a line of recruits.*

Soldier: "If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!" Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more *Soldier pokes a recruit's helmet* about fighting than you do, pal, becausе he invented it, and thеn he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor.

*The Art of War plays.*

*Cut to the Soldier holding his Shovel and screaming.*

*The Soldier then charges the final capture point in Granary with his Shotgun and kills a Demoman, who fires at him but misses. He switches to his Rocket Launcher and a BLU Medic appears behind him, firing syringes.*

RED Demoman: To the left!

Soldier: Maggots!
The Soldier turns to the left and fires a Crit rocket at the Medic, gibbing him.*

RED Sniper: Right up! Right up!

RED Heavy: Go, go, go!

*The Soldier, Sniper and Heavy charge into battle together, as explosions occur all around them.*

*Cut back to the Soldier's drill. Music pauses.*

Soldier: Then, he used his fight money...

*The Soldier unhooks two grenades from his belt, one in each hand.*

Soldier: ...to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat...

*The Soldier demonstrates by using the grenades, moving them in a walking motion.*

Soldier: ...and then he beat the crap out of every single one.

*The Soldier bangs the two grenades together repeatedly.*

*Cut back to battle scene. Music resumes.*

RED Scout: (Behind cover) "Sentry up there!"
*The Soldier runs up to the Sentry gun and rocket jumps onto a pipe, both destroying the Sentry and killing the Engineer in the process.*

*A BLU Heavy and Pyro are holding the final capture point. The Heavy is laughing gleefully. The Soldier jumps downward, firing a Critical rocket that lands just before he does. The explosion kills both the Heavy and Pyro. A Spy uncloaks and attempts to backstab the Soldier, but the Soldier pulls out his Shovel, swiftly knocking out the Spy with it.*

*Freeze frame*

*Cut back to the Soldier's drill.*

Soldier: *Laughs to himself* And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a 'zoo'!

*Crickets chirp as the 'recruits' are revealed to be the gibbed heads of BLU team members perched on a gate, all wearing BLU Soldier helmets. The Medic's head falls off the gate.*

*Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays*

Soldier: (To the Medic's head) Unless it's a farm!