[Talking]
The cat had always thought poorly of him
Smug bastard, slyly winding around her legs
Its eyes locked with his — half-shut, purring, flaunting their bond

Buttons had clawed the shit out of his favorite recliner
Pissed on countless items of clothing
And responded to all attempts of kinship with general distaste

It was jealousy, really, on both their parts
Who loves his mommy, [?]
Adding Oedipus to injury
Sliding fingers between shoulder blades
To a wide-handed rub down his back
Whisping slow off his curling tail

When Charlie would reach for Buttons
He would fire backward — swatting, hiss
There was no misunderstanding here
One of them had to go

It was a hidden feud, composed of subtleties
Apparent only to the two involved
Buttons McCuddie Puss and Charlie Gillard

Buttons would trip Charlie up when he ran for the phone
Charlie would flick water at Buttons while washing the dishes
The secret battle of minor strikes and inconveniences continued
Until Thursday
Gabby had gone to work
Charlie was eating breakfast when the phone rang

Returning to the table and diving back into his cereal
It was on the third heaping spoonful of which he noticed
Looped in soaked Cheerios, balancing on the end of the spoon
A little log of cat shit

Fuck

Charlie spat a mouthful of chewed Cheerios across the table
Hopping to his feet, Charlie launched toward the living room

Buttons, having anticipated such a reaction
Crouched under the bed
And looked on nervously as Charlie tore through the apartment
Grumbling, tossing pillows and blankets, lifting furniture
Until, on his knees and peering under the bed
They were eye to eye

Buttons played tough
Clawing at the madman’s hand as it reached and swung furiously
Fuck!
Charlie, pulling back his scratch-speckled arm
Retreated to the kitchen
Relieved himself in Buttons’ food bowl
And went to work
“That’s weird,” Sharon from accounting was the first to notice
“Look at that squirrel. He’s just staring in the window."

The office, one by one, peeked from out their cubicles
As another squirrel worked its way onto the sill

“Has there always been so many birds out there?” Ron was right to question the abundance of local wildlife

There had never been so many birds.
Or squirrels out there

All perched in the tree or joining their comrades at the window
All just watching

“Maybe there’s a hurricane coming.”

The office hung still in tangible anticipation
Cats and dogs joined the attentive sit-in
All in fixed gaze at the uneasy employees
Staring back from behind the glass

Someone flipped through the stations of the breakroom radio
Everyone half-expecting to hear the emergency broadcast system
Tales of tidal waves and tornadoes
But nothing
Charlie stood to get some water
The animal mob collectively leaning in
Eyes glued. Heads turning. Synced with his steps

His gut sank
Shuffling backwards and whipping to his seat

The next jerking followed to a T.

“Oh my god, Charlie. They’re looking at you.”

Charlie didn’t move from his cubicle for the rest of the day
Denying the obvious anomaly
Until the overwhelming discomfort hushed the office back to routine

Soon after, the crowd of critters had dissipated as well
But their point had been made

Charlie was a marked man

It must have been Buttons
Charlie hammered home in long stride
The cat had marked him with a scent
Put out a signal or something

Tops of trees flurried with activity behind him
Conspicuous parade of paws and claws
Escaped and prowled and leaped

Snowballing, until you could feel its rider’s presence at heel

Stomping abrupt and spinning the faces of assailants
The ragtag stalkers sat calm
An array of neighborhood animals
Nonchalantly engaged in their natural activities

Birds singing, squirrels playing tag
A dog licking his balls

But Charlie could tell, they were acting
They all had an eye on him

Turning slow from the casual conglomerate
He sprinted toward his building
Chased closely by scuttling, flapping, and rustling fury
That nipped at his backside

Fiddling with his keys
He vaulted up the stairs
Unlocked the door
And he slammed himself in

His pursuers barking, pecking, pawing, gnawing
In vain attempted entrance

“It was that fucking cat,”
“What did he tell them?”

Catching his breath
Creeping toward the apartment
He entered quietly

There he was, just lying there, sleeping on the couch

Charlie bolted into the living room, scooping Buttons up
Underneath his furry little arms
And slamming him against the wall

“What did you tell them?!”

Buttons wiggled, moaned
Fell to the floor
Hollowed his way to the embrace of an awe-stricken Gabby [?]

Jaw dropped, wide-eyed,
She lifted the disoriented cat,
And backed away.

Buttons McCuddie Puss ,sneering, and cleaning his paw

She had made a choice
He moved out in armful folds
Mumbling excuses to a closed door
Dumping his stuff in a grocery cart outside

He tried friends’ couches
But had been taunted by ferrets, lizards, or parakeets
Shadowed by an ever-growing swarm of pets
Strays, park and street animals
Until he gave up

[Singing]
Old man Charlie lives with the rats
Eating the squirrels, pigeons, and cats
Old man Charlie lives with the rats
Eating the squirrels, pigeons, and cats