[Verse 1]
Hatters gotta hat
Bashing bishops with a bat
Making rookie mistakes
Sacking pieces all over the place
My hair is very shiny
I'm feeling very whiny
Golf is not my thing
So, I just protect my king

[Pre-Chorus]
Oh, I’m balding
Balding
Oh, I'm balding
I'm balding
I’m balding
Balding
I'm balding

[Chorus]
I'm bald, I'm bald
I'm so goddamn bald
Defending all my rooks
I have many leather-bound books
I'm bald, I'm bald, I'm so goddamn bald
Baby don’t hurt me
Don’t hurt me, no more

[Verse 2]
Hatters gotta hat
Bashing bishops with a bat
Making rookie mistakes
Sacking pieces all over the place
My hair is very shiny
I'm pretty bloody whiny
Look, golf is not my thing
So, I just protect my king

[Chorus]
I’m bald, I'm bald
I'm so goddamn bald
I'm bald, I’m bald
Defending all my rooks
I have many leather-bound books
I'm bald, I'm bald
Baby don't hurt me, no more