Joan was quizzical, studied 'pataphysical
Science in the home
Late nights all alone with a test tube
Oh, ho-ho, ho
Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine
Call her on the phone
"Can I take you out to the pictures, Joan?"
But as she's getting ready to go
A knock comes on the door

Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon her head
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that she was dead

Back in school again
Maxwell plays the fool again
Teacher gets annoyed
Wishing to avoid an unpleasant scene
She tells Max to stay when the class has gone away
So he waits behind
Writing fifty times, "I must not be so, ho-ho, ho"
But when she turns her back on the boy
He creeps up from behind

Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon her head
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure she was dead
Whoa, whoa
P.C. thirty-one said, "We've caught a dirty one"
Maxwell stands alone
Painting testimonial pictures, oh, ho-ho, ho
Rose and Valerie, screaming from the gallery
Say he must go free
The judge does not agree, and he tells them so, oh-oh, oh
But as the words are leaving his lips
A noise comes from behind

Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon his head
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that he was dead
Whoa!

Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon his head
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that he was dead