Why can't you be evil like I taught you?
Why won't you misbehave the way you should, hmm?
You never used the guillotine I bought you
You're just not bad enough, for your own good

Why can't you be mean like Aunt Eureka?
She fed her victims 'til they almost burst!
Then cooked them with a smidgen of paprika
She always did her best to do her worst!

We're witches, and witches are wicked!
How many times have you been told?
Your Great-Grandma Alexis crushed a kingdom with her hexes
And that's the proud tradition I want you to uphold!

Try to be as evil as your cousins
Lucretia was the cruelest in the crowd
She cooked up evil potions by the dozens
Be just like her and make your mama proud

We're witches, wizards, and warlocks!
We're the reason honest people purchase door locks!
We've turned princes into frogs
Peasants into pheasants
Soldiers and sailors into swine!
We've never been accused of being angels
But as for being devils, we're divine!
All our clan was evil and malicious
And that is how I want my girls to be
Work hard at being vicious
And if you're real ambitious
You might wind up an evil witch like me
A terrible, detestable, contemptible, despicable
Evil mean old witch
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Like me!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!