Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look
It's based on a novel by a man named Lear
And I need a job so I want to be a paperback writer, paperback writer

It's a dirty story of a dirty man
And his clinging wife doesn't understand
His son is working for the Daily Mail
It's a steady job but he wants to be a paperback writer

It's a thousand pages, give or take a few
I'll be writing more in a week or two
I can make it longer if you like the style
I can change it 'round and I want to be a paperback writer

If you really like it you can have the rights
It could make a million for you overnight
If you must return it you can send it here
But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer