Jim... once had a girl, or should we say, she once had he
She... showed him her room, isn't it swell, Texas Motel
She asked him to stay and she told him to sit anywhere
So Jim looked around and he noticed there wasn't a prayer

Jim... took off his rug, biding his time, pounding his pud
He... prayed until two, and then she said, "How 'bout some head?"

She said she was booked in the morning with Falwell and Pat
Jim told her he wasn't, and dribbled some spoo in her lap

And... when he awoke, hе was alone, she'd honed his conе
So... he let her fly, isn't it swell, Texas Motel

But then, suddenly...

Picture yourself with a whore from New Orleans
With big purple welts, all over her bod
Somebody calls and you answer quite slowly
It's the board from Assembly O' God

Ignorant crackers like you've never seen, groveling under your bed
Look for the girl with the spoo in her lap, and she's gone!

Louisiana hooker with herpes
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Owwww!
We saw her go down to a room by the airport
Where Swaggart gets off watching pornography
Everyone smiles as we tread through his horseshit
That grows so incredibly high

Newspaper writers appear at his door, waiting to take Jim away
He climbs in the back with his head up his ass, and he's gone!
Louisiana hooker with herpes
[everybody!] Louisiana hooker with herpes
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Owwww!

Picture yourself on your own TV station
With brain-dead supporters with tears in their eyes
Suddenly someone is there at commercial
The girl with the pee-hole surprise

Louisiana hooker with herpes
[Last chance to sing it!] Louisiana hooker with herpes
[I can't hear you!]Louisiana hooker with herpes
Owwww! Ow!

Louisiana hooker with herpes
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Owwww! Ow!
Suddenly the evil Swaggart looks at the hooker and says...

Let me take you down, 'cause we're going to... the Texas Motel
Don't mind the smell
It's nothing to get hung about
Please leave your cash on the table

Weeping looks better with eyes closed...
While I'm confessing all my sins
[I've sinned, I tell you!]
It's getting hard to plook someone, but it all works out
It's all pornography to Jim

Let me take you down, 'cause we're going to... the Texas Motel
We might go to hell
But we'll have lots of company
Falwell and Pat and that weasel

No one knows who's in my dream...
I mean it must be high or low
I mean, I can't you know, tune in, but it's all right
That is, I think it's not too bad

Let me take you down, 'cause we're going to... the Texas Motel
Don't mind the smell
It's just some jizz from Jimmy-boy
How 'bout some hay for the donkey? [Hee-haw!]
No one knows, sometimes think it's me...
[Ed Meese, ladies & gentlemen] But you know, I know when I don't know
[The Golden Peasant himself]
I think I know, I mean, I guess, but it's all wrong
[And we believe him]
That is, I think I disagree. [Uhh...]

Let me take you down, 'cause we're going to... the Texas Motel
Don't mind the smell
It's just some old pornography
Just keep on strokin' that sausage
Just keep on strokin' that sausage
[Jimmy-boy!] Just keep on strokin' that sausage