[CORNY, spoken]
And now, live, from the certified up-to-code Baltimore Eventorium for the first time ever on nationwide television, it's The Corny Collins Spectacular

[COUNCIL GIRLS, spoken]
He's Corny!

[CORNY, spoken]
Brought to you by Ultra Clutch Hairspray!

[CORNY]
What gives a girl
Power and punch?
Is it charm, is it poise?
No, it's hairspray!

What gets a gal
Asked out to lunch
Is it brains, is it dough?
No, it's hairspray!

If you take a ride
With no can at your side
Then your flip will be gone
With the wind
But if you spray it and lock it
You can take off in a rocket
And in outer space
Each hair will be in place
Why take a chance
When you get up and dance
If you twist, I insist
You use hairspray

And tell your mother
Her head she should smother
With "Ultra-Clutch" faithfully

So if you're a redhead
A blonde or brunette
Just take my advice
And you might just get (You might just get)
The only thing better than hairspray
That's me!

[ENSEMBLE]
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah

[CORNY]
Forget the milkman
The only thing better than hairspray

[ENSEMBLE]
Hairspray! Wow!
[CORNY]
That's me!

[ENSEMBLE]
Ah, ah, ah, ah-ah, ah, ah-ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah-ah, ah, ah-ah, ah

[CORNY]
What makes a man reach out and touch?
Ultra Clutch!

So if you're a redhead
A blonde or brunette (Woo!)
Just take my advice
And you might just get (You might just)

The only thing better than hairspray
That's me!

[ENSEMBLE]
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah

[COUNCIL GIRLS]
He's Corny Collins!
[CORNY]
The only thing better than hairspray

[ENSEMBLE]
Hairspray! Wow!

[CORNY]
That's me!

[ENSEMBLE]
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah!
Do wow!

[CORNY, spoken]
Hey, baby, you look like you could use a stiff one!

[BRENDA]
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya-do do wah!