[Intro]
The door is unlocked. Who was here? (What?)

[Verse 1: MC Paul Barman]
You boys are a waste of my resources
Pray, what's the recourse if you betray where the tree forts is
You broke 3/4ths of the rule, close to the entire thing
I'm about to tie you up with a fiber string from our tire swing
You let a girl see the girls I drew
Tore down the whole free world I knew
So walk on by if you see me at the candy store
I'll be stiff like a statue by Henry Moore
I'll see you in school, but never on weekends
I'm changing the handshake gesture sequence
So you'll never get through the club entry door
You're not a Sunbeam Warrior anymore!

Press 1 if you are satisfied with the message and want to send it
I don't wanna end it, I'm repentant
Press 2 if you want to mark it as urgent
It all comes out in the wash, but I forgot the detergent
Press 3 if you want to erase it and re-record it
Damn straight I do, wait, I pressed 2
Noooooooo!

[Verse 2: Open Mike Eagle]
To listen to your messages press 1
Yo, I heard Paul's mad and you're about to catch one
I saw him on the quad cussing like a park person
Next message marked urgent
Well, ain't this a fine howdy-do
Although I must admit I am kinda proud of you
When you were mad in the past you’ve elected to let it pass and acted all passive-aggresive
But since we're all being bold
I can admit to breaking all three codes
I thought we needed a new recruit and Julie's cute, smart and sweeter than Juicy Fruit
I mean it's a really good drawing, son
The girl looked so nice that it made me wanna talk to one
Our network's Belkin router
I know my way well around it
And we both know which one of us can yell the loudest
I snatched a gift and you're not gonna melt without it
And I was just about to tell you how she felt about it
If it's a question of me messing up the breakfast club
Heck, me and Julie can just go start a separate one
I mean it's just for fun, so I can take her arm
And the miraculous rap forest can be safe from harm
You know where I stand, we should be all-good
The rumor that I told her they were mine is a falsehood

[Verse 3: MC Paul Barman]
Well, well, how neatly planned

[Open Mike Eagle]
Gotta believe me, man
[MC Paul Barman]
Press 3 to delete *BEEP*
Damn, he's this close to completely banned
Okay people, keep it cool
Our friend Mike's in deep doo-doo
He thinks he no longer needs you just cause he's no longer prepubescent
Well, I'm the ambassador for whatever anyone's asking for
I don't believe he said that he drew those pictures and not that he called me a cheap jew
We have a word for this in Hebrew: "kẖalashmashkẖalashmezash"
He wears his hat at a jaunty angle
But I know his laundry's tangled
So much for Mr. GQ
We're down to an elite few
I can't sleep through the night, I thought: "me too" eating a fresh piece of tree fruit
(Yeah)