Annika, I long for that too
A parental figure to serve
Someone who could recognize the pain in me
And validate my hurt
Who could point me in a direction
And say walk this way and you'll be free
That I'd have a home there among them
In their little community

I think back on a teenage friend
Who introduced me to Marilyn Manson
In the darkest moments of high school
It channeled our frustration
He'd set up a poster of Britney
She was the face of all that was wrong
The hierarchy we'd never be part of
And then he brought out his airgun

At a concert I met a punkgirl
She just walked up and asked my name
Asked if I played any instruments
She had a band that could barely play
The band was mostly an excuse
To wear leatherjackets and hang
And go vandalize the swimsuit ads from H&M
While I carried their spraycans
The best song they ever wrote
Was called “Can't Get Laid Cause We're Too Ugly”
But they never blamed anyone for that
Except Baywatch and Tutti Frutti

I had kind of a crush on the punkgirl
But she had a crush on my friend
And despite my heart being punctured
I delivered the message to him
But it only made him offended
He slammed the door to his room
Her interest became an insult
And confirmed what he thought he knew

And he was furious, so furious
At all the Britney's that he couldn't get
I distanced myself when I saw what
He'd written on the internet

I re-watched Revenge of the Nerds
Do you remember the speech ‘bout being different?
How I cried when I saw that at 13
But do you remember the rape-scene? Cause I didn't
Or how generally creepy the nerds are
The plot could be re-summarized this way:
Some athletes try to stop some sex criminals
From assaulting their partners, but fail
I thought about this culture
That gave me strength when I felt like a freak
But also gave me an ulcer
From an anger that I couldn't speak
That I had somehow been robbed of a right
To love and sex that I deserved
A feeling that the game was rigged
Between alphamales and betanerds

And then Isla Vista happened
And the Toronto attack this spring
And I read these incel threads
They reminded me of something
I checked my old friend on Facebook
Scared of what I would see
But he just posted pics of his family
In his profile pic he looked happy

He had a photoalbum called “good times”
With a photo where we try to look evil
In shirts that said, “How does it feel
To be one of the beautiful people?”