[Intro]
"Hey, the other ones are complete bullshit
You want something corny?
You got it"

[Verse 1]
There's a house on my street and it looks real neat
I'm the chap who lives in it
There's a tree on the sidewalk, there's a car by the door
I'll go for a drive in it
And when the wombat comes, he will find me gone
He'll look for a place to sit

[Chorus]
My wife has burned the scrambled eggs
The dog just bit my leg
My teenage daughter ran away
My fine young son has turned out gay

[Verse 2]
Cut off my fingers in the door of my car
How could I do it?
My wife is proud to tell me of her love affairs
How could she do this to me?

[Chorus]
My wife has burned the scrambled eggs
The dog just bit my leg
My teenage daughter ran away
My fine young son has turned out gay
[Bridge]
And it would be okay on any other day
And it would be okay on any other day

[Verse 3]
Throw down the morning papers and spill my tea
I don't know what's wrong with me
The cups and plates are in a conspiracy
I'm covered in misery

[Chorus]
My wife has burned the scrambled eggs
The dog just bit my leg
My teenage daughter ran away
My fine young son has turned out gay

[Post-Chorus]
And it would be okay on any other day
(Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you)
And it would be okay on any other day
(Happy birthday, dear daddy, happy birthday to you)