[Verse 1]
When it comes to hitchin' the boat up
Backin' down the ramp in my old truck
To find a bunch of logs
To catch a bunch of hogs
Yeah, I wrote the book
Yeah, I wrote the book

[Verse 2]
If you wanna learn to throw a curve right
To catch a clean up lookin' on a third strike
Talk a little smack while he's walkin' back
Yeah, I wrote the book

[Chorus]
But there's one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand
One that says don't cuss and don't fight
Or let the bottle turn you into a different man
But damn if I don't do it every Friday night
Those get you into Heaven letters in red
Ain't gettin' read enough to keep me on a straight line
I'm a Jack of all trades but man I gotta say
That's one book I didn't write

[Verse 3]
I met a good girl she had her life straight
She said she loved that I was good at everythin'
One day she left me in a cloud of dust
'Cause I never was too good at pickin' up
[Chorus]
The one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand
The one that says don't cuss and don't fight
Or let the bottle turn you into a different man
But damn if I don't do it every Friday night
Those get you into Heaven letters in red
Ain't gettin' read enough to keep me on a straight line
I'm a Jack of all trades but man I gotta say
That's one book I didn't write

[Bridge]
Yeah, the good Lord knows I need it
I didn't write it but I probably oughta read it

[Chorus]
The one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand
One that says don't cuss and don't fight
Or let the bottle turn you into a different man
But damn if I don't do it every Friday night
Those get you into Heaven letters in red
Ain't gettin' read enough to keep me on a straight line
I'm a Jack of all trades but man I gotta say
That's one book I didn't write
That's one book I didn't write
That's one book I didn't write