Hello there you stinky lizards!

I used to be a dead guy, now I'm a fucking Jedi
And I've got lots of news for you, and I've got a long list of things to do
I used to dwell in the present, I used to be so hesitant
But now I've got all my life to live, and I've got all my love to give
To all you fuckers that I hate

It's like the Gift of the Magi; more like the Gift of the Magi 2
You sold your soul to buy some tits and I sold my soul to grow a dick
We got to get him in the van, but what if he resists?
Just kick him in the back of the fucking head
And put him in the back of the fucking van

It's a miracle of science
This portrayal of violence, and it lives inside us all
It lives inside our hearts, just like a stupid fucking tapeworm
Who can we blame?

The husband divorced his wife after she cut her hair
Because she was way less fuckable and that's just unforgivable
He moved into a condo, hung out by the pool
He never wore a bathing suit, he just wanted to scope out the talent

If God doesn't like ugly, then God doesn't like anybody
So fuck God anyway, God is obsolete
Oh, my God thinks my jokes are funny
There is no one to blame
Yay