[Verse 1]
I'd offer to help but I'd lose my fedora
There's just a ghost beneath this white linen
In my youth I dreamt of Robert Graves
Now my blood and my hair is thinning
Epitaphs in the glittering waves
So let's have a shave and go back to the beginning
Before we were losers, Nan
Golden children winning

[Verse 2]
He burst from the room with a labrys hung
From his scrotum and a wreath 'round his waist
Jump on the table, licked his lips
Said, "I'll show you really fucking bad taste"
His kids roll their eyes, he drools and laughs
His dad slips into the pink of his past
Coiling his stiff old spine in a loop
Unhinging his jaw to devour his arse

[Chorus / Outro]
Put your little hands in mine
My funny serpentine
All singing Auld Lang Syne
M-m-m-m-my funny serpentine
Put your little hands in mine
My funny serpentine
All singing Auld Lang Syne
My funny serpentine
Oh!
My funny serpentine
Oooh!
My funny serpentine
Oooh!
My funny serpentine
Oooh!
My funny serpentine
Wooo!
Oooh!
Ahhh!
Wooo!