[Verse 1]
Driving down State Avenue
Looking for a whore to screw
Or for a slut that'll lick on my nuts
I yelled at this blonde haired chick
Said "Can you suck my dick?"
She said "I'll gladly for 25 bucks"
She hopped in the seat and I pulled down my pants
But when her wig fell off I realized it's a man

[Chorus]
Cum sheets
Somewhere
There's a hot naked blonde
Laying in the bed with no pubic hair
She'll grab my dick and yank it
I'll leave stains on a blanket
She'll smile and say "I don't care"
Oh cum sheets
Somewhere

[Verse 2]
I circled the parking lot
Tryin' to find a thot
I can take home and do some freaky things to
I yelled at this Mexican
She said "I'm not into men but if you got cash I'll hop on top of you."
And from out of nowhere
The border patrol pulled up and deported her
Back to Mexico
[Chorus]
Cum sheets
Somewhere
That señorita had a real nice rack man this ain't fair
We'd sip on margaritas while I stuffed her tortillas
There'd be jizz and rice everywhere
Oh cum sheets
Somewhere

[Verse 3]
I sat in that waiting room rock hard all afternoon
The lady finally said "The masseuse is ready for you"
I rub your neck and back
Your penis I can't touch that because if I do I'll get fired or sued
I took all my clothes off and I snuck her fifty bucks
She smiled real big then shoved her thumb in my butt

[Chorus]
Cum sheets
Right here
I'm at a massage parlor with an old Asian woman's finger in my rear
I'm not really sure why her thumb's in my brown eye
But it kinda feels good down there
Oh cum sheets
Right here
Woah bum cheeks
With her thumb there