It's five o'clock on a Saturday
The usual crowd rushes in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Makin' love to his tonic and gin

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the business men slowly get stoned
And they know it's me that they're coming to see
But it's better than drinking alone

La la la, di da da
La la, di di da da dum

Chorus:
Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Put some coke on my dick tonight

[Gene breaks out into laughter as the band stops playing]