Billy: Don’t go changing just to please me
‘Cause being friendly’s not your style
Mmm-hmm-hmm...
Don’t want to hear you
Saying, “Thank you”

(Oscar: I won’t!)

‘Cause I would hate to see you smile

(Oscar: I never smile!)

Just be grouchy, really grouchy
You’ve done it pretty well so far

(Oscar: Oh, a compliment! This is getting pretty sticky!)

Mmm-hmm-hmm...
I took the bad times; I’ll take the worst times
I’ll take you just the way you are

(Oscar: The way I am, huh? Hah! I’ll change that!)

(Oscar disappears into trash can, and Marlee looks surprised.)

Don’t go trying some new fashion
(Oscar comes up wearing an orange wig.)

(Oscar: How’s this?)

(Marlee runs her fingers through thе wig.)

I wouldn’t like you debonair
Mmm-hmm-hmm...
Just keep that can you stash your trash in
Don’t evеn try to comb your hair

(Oscar takes off the wig.)

(Oscar: Just get lost, huh?!)

Don’t try friendly conversation

(Oscar: It wasn’t friendly!)

Don’t change the oil in your car
Mmm-hmm-hmm...
We just want someone that we can’t talk to
We want you just the way you are

(Oscar: Well, you can’t have me! Ahhh!)
(Oscar goes back down into his trash can for the second time, and Marlee looks surprised again.)

I want to know that you will always be
The same old Oscar that I knew

(Oscar comes up wearing a disguise with the fake glasses and nose. Marlee jumps back.)

(Oscar: Is this him?! Heh-heh!)

Oh, please just keep on talking mean to me
It makes me happy when you do

(Oscar goes back down for a third time and comes up wearing an Indian-type mask.)

I said I love you, and that’s forever
And this I promise from the heart

(Oscar smacks his hand to his forehead exasperatingly.)

Mmm-hmm-hmm...
We couldn’t love you any better

(Oscar: This is the mushiest thing I ever heard!)

We love you just the way you are
(An instrumental solo where Marlee hugs Oscar.)

(Oscar: What are you doing?! What’s this?! HEY! Never hug a grouch!
You’re kissing me! Ahhh! Never do that to a grouch! Ugh!)

(Music stops.)

Oscar: You really know how to hurt a grouch!