[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Ready? Okay!

(sung)
Hi! I’ll be your guide
I’ll be your G-U-I-D-E to the other side
Don’t go to the Netherworld—

[ADAM, spoken]
Netherworld?

[BETELGEUSE]
Did I say Netherworld? Never mind
I’m the B-to-the-double-E-J-F-Q
And Jesus, I can’t spell

[MINIONS]
Hi! He’ll be your guide
He’ll be your G-U-I-D-E to the other side

[BETELGEUSE]
Let's all get naked!

[ADAM & BARBARA]
No!
[BETELGEUSE]
Eh, worth a try
I’m the B-to-the-double-E-T-L-E to the J-U-I-C-E
Yeah!

[BARBARA, spoken]
What is happening?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
I understand that it's a lot to process

(sung)
But the good news is you and your spouse
Died in your own house
That gives you clout
That means the two of you should stick around

Lucky for you I dropped by
Yeah, you seem like nice guys
A little on the Pottery Barn and dry white wine side
As for me, I’ve been scaring for millennia
I’m the bio-exorcist
Giving houses enemas
Flush out all the breathers
You can breathe easier
Stick with me
I’m like a ghost-zombie Jesus
[MINIONS]
Ghost-zombie Jesus!

[BETELGEUSE]
And I do it for the love of it
Money? Ah, who gives a shit?
I think we’re a perfect fit
Come on, let’s make out a bit

[MINIONS]
Yeah!
Dead!

[BETELGEUSE]
It’s the perfect day to die
‘Cause this guy happened to be passing by
To give you control of your soul
Through the whole "being dead" thing

The whole "being dead" thing!
Oh yeah!