[BEETLEJUICE]

Hey, folks! I'm on the Today Show
BJ's got his own Broadway show
Were slowing marching toward the grave
So let's start on the whole
Y'know, "being dead" thing
I'm king, forget Mufasa
Beetlejuice is in La Casa
I'm live from Rockafella Plaza
Well dead but live
The whole "being dead" thing

Death can get a person stressed
"We should have carpe'd way more diems
Now we're never gonna see 'em'
I can show you what comes next
'Cause I'm your pal, ignore that smell
I think Al Roker is sexy as hell

So just relax, you'll be fine
Drink your coffee, drink your wine
And take a breath

[ENSEMBLE]
Welcome to a show about death
[BEETLEJUICE]
You're
You're gonna be fine
On the other side
Die! You're all gonna die!
You're all gonna die!
I'll, I'll be your guide, yeah!
To the other side

[ENSEMBLE]
Though in full disclosure
It's a show about death

[BEETLEJUICE]
Death is not the end
No, it's just Dakota
It comes for Carson, Craig, n' Savannah and Hoda
Carpet stains? Just use some baking soda
Anyway, that's just a lifehack, back to the "dead thing" (Dies Irae)
Nobody is bullet-proof
"I work out, I eat clean!"
Jesus, pass the Dramamine (Dies Ira)
Time to face the brutal truth (Ah, ah, ah, ah)
'Cause we're all on a hit list
Might not live 'till Christmas
Choke to death on Triscuits
Hey, that just statistics
So take a little brake here (Ah, ah, ah, ah)
Were gonna bake a cake here
The news is never fake here
Why am I awake here?

[ENSEMBLE]
Welcome to a show about death

[BEETLEJUICE]
You're
You're gonna be fine, yeah!
On the other side
"How you doing?" (sobbing)
Not good Ba-be-ba-ba-be-bo-boo-bap-boop
I'll—
I'll be your guide
To the other side
Seriously, though, this is a show about death—

[ENSEMBLE]
Death is taboo, but it's hardly something new
There's nothing medical professionals can do
'Cept maybe just bill you

[BEETLEJUICE]
If you die during this performance
The broadcast will not stop
[MALE ENSEMBLE]
There's no destiny or fate

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE]
Just a terrifying wait

[MALE ENSEMBLE]
Filled with people that you hate

[ENSEMBLE]
And on a certain date, the universe kills you!

[BEETLEJUICE]
That's the thing with life
No one makes it out alive
Don't think what you leave behind
"Friends & family, real emotion, Games of Thrones and suntan lotion"
Think of what your yet to find (Ah, ah, ah-ah)
"No pilates, no more yoga"
"Namaste", you freakin' posers (Dies Irae)

From the cradle to cremation (Solvet Irae)
Death just needs a little conversation
I have mastered the art (Dies Irae)
Of tearing convention apart (Dies Irae)

So how about we all make a start (Dies Irae)
For the whole "being dead thing" (Ah, ah, ah, ah)

[ALL]
God, I hope you're ready for a show about death!