[JOANNE, spoken]
Mark?

[MARK, spoken]
Yeah, you must be Joanne

[JOANNE]
I told her not to call you

[MARK]
That's Maureen, but can I help since I'm here?

[JOANNE, spoken]
I've hired an engineer

[MARK, spoken]
Great...
So nice to have met you

[JOANNE, spoken]
Wait!
She's 3 hours late

[JOANNE]
The samples won’t delay but the cable-
[MARK]
There’s another way
Say something, anything

[JOANNE]
Test 1,2,3

[MARK]
Anything but that

[JOANNE]
This is weird

[MARK]
It’s weird

[JOANNE]
Very weird

[MARK]
Super weird

[JOANNE]
I’m so mad that I don’t know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off I’m with you
[MARK]
Feel like going insane
Got a fire in your brain
And you’re thinking of drinking gasoline

[JOANNE]
As a matter of fact

[MARK, JOANNE]
Honey, I know this act
It’s called the Tango: Maureen

The Tango: Maureen
It’s a dark, dizzy, merry go round
As she keeps you dangling
You’re wrong
Your heart, she is mangling
It’s different with me
And you toss and you turn 'cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound

[JOANNE]
I think I know what you mean

[BOTH]
The Tango: Maureen
[MARK]
Has she ever pouted her lips and called you “Pookie?”

[JOANNE]
Never

[MARK]
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?

[JOANNE]
This is spooky
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?

[MARK]
Every time, so be cautious

[JOANNE]
Did she moon over other boys?

[MARK]
Oh, more than moon

[JOANNE]
I’m getting nauseous

[MARK, spoken]
Where’d you learn to tango?

[JOANNE, spoken]
With the Spanish ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Ms. Porters
And you?

[MARK, spoken]
With Nanette Himmelfarb, the rabbi’s daughter at the Scarsdale Jewish community center

[MARK, spoken]
It’s hard to do this backwards

[JOANNE, spoken]
You should try it in heels

[JOANNE]
She cheated

[MARK]
She cheated

[JOANNE]
Maureen cheated

[MARK]
Yeah, she cheated

[JOANNE]
I’m defeated, I should give up right now

[MARK]
Gotta look on the bright side with all of your might

[JOANNE]
I’d fall for her still anyhow

[BOTH]
When you’re dancing her dance
You don’t stand a chance
Her grip of romance makes you fall

[MARK]
So you think might as well

[JOANNE]
Dance a tango to hell

[BOTH]
At least I’ll have tangoed at all

The Tango: Maureen
Gotta dance ‘til your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
'Cause in the end you can’t leave her
But the end, it will come
Still you have to play dumb
'Til you're glum and you bum and turn blue

[MARK]
Why do we love when she’s mean?

[JOANNE]
And she can be so obscene

[MARK, spoken]
Try the mic

[JOANNE, spoken]
My Maureen

[MARK, spoken]
We're patched

[JOANNE, spoken]
Thanks

[MARK, spoken]
You know, I feel great now

[JOANNE, spoken]
I feel lousy

[JOANNE, on the phone]
Hi, honey, we’re...
Pookie? You never called me "Pookie"
Forget it, we're patched

[BOTH]
The Tango: Maureen