[WAITER]
No, please no
Not tonight, please no
Mister, can't you go?
Not tonight, can’t have a scene

[ROGER]
What?

[WAITER]
Go, please go
You -- Hello, sir! --
I said no
Important customer

[MARK]
What am I, just a blur?

[WAITER]
You sit all night, you never buy!

[MARK]
That's a lie, that's a lie!
I had a tea the other day

[WAITER]
You couldn’t pay
[MARK, spoken]
Oh yeah

[COLLINS]
Benjamin Coffin III? Here?

[ALL]
Wine and beer!

[COLLINS]
The enemy of Avenue A
And Mr. Grey
What brings the mogul in his own mind
To the Life Cafe?

[BENNY]
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen's noble try
*Cheering*
It went well?

[MAUREEN]
Go to Hell

[ROGER]
Why did Muffy--
[BENNY]
Alison

[ROGER]
--miss the show?

[BENNY]
There was a death in the family
If you must know

[ANGEL]
Who died?

[BENNY]
Our Akita

[BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS]
Evita

[BENNY]
Mimi, I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
Who don't adhere to deals
They make fun, yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people puke on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead
[MARK]
Dearly beloved
We gather here to say our goodbyes

[COLLINS & ROGER]
Dies irae, dies illa
Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal veyitkadash

[MARK]
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of Mother Earth
On this night that we celebrate the birth
[Collins imitates the sound of a newborn baby crying.]
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass
You bet your ass, to
[Mark slaps Maureen's ass]
La vie Bohème

[ALL]
La vie Bohème
La vie Bohème
La vie Bohème
La vie Bohème

[MARK]
To days of inspiration
Playing hooky
Making something out of nothing
(La vie Bohème)
The need to express
To communicate
(La vie Bohème)
To going against the grain
Going insane
(La vie Bohème)
Going mad
(La vie Bohème)
To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension
(La vie Bohème)
To starving for attention
Hating convention
Hating pretension
(La vie Bohème)
Not to mention, of course
(La vie Bohème)
Hating dear old Mom and Dad
(La vie Bohème)
To riding your bike
Midday past the three-piece suits
(La vie Bohème)
To fruits
To no absolute
(La vie Bohème)
To Absolut
To choice
To The Village Voice
(La vie Bohème)
To any passing fad

To being an us, for once
Instead of a them

[ALL]
La vie Bohème
La vie Bohème

[MAUREEN]
Is the equipment in a pyramid?

[JOANNE]
It is, Maureen

[MAUREEN]
The mixer doesn't have a case
Don't give me that face
[Maureen grabs Joanne by the waist]

[MR. GREY]
Ladies

[MAUREEN]
Hey, Mister
She’s my sister

[MIMI & ANGEL]
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries

[MAUREEN]
To yoga

[COLLINS]
To yogurt

[MIMI]
To rice and beans and cheese

[COLLINS]
To leather

[MIMI]
To latex

[ANGEL]
To curry vindaloo

[MIMI]
To huevos rancheros

[ALL]
And Maya Angelou

[ANGEL]
Emotion

[COLLINS]
Devotion

[ALL]
To causing a commotion

[ANGEL]
Creation

[MIMI]
Vacation

[MARK]
Mucho masturbation

[ALL]
Compassion, to fashion

[COLLINS]
To passion
When it’s new

[MARK]
To Sontag

[MAUREEN]
To Sondheim

[ALL]
To anything taboo

[COLLINS & ROGER]
Ginsberg, Dylan

[COLLINS, ROGER, & MAUREEN]
Cunningham, and Cage

[MARK]
Lenny Bruce

[ANGEL]
Langston Hughes

[MAUREEN]
To the stage

[MARK]
To Uta

[COLLINS]
To Buddha

[ALL]
Pablo Neruda, too

[MARK & MIMI]
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em

[ALL]
La vie Bohème

[MAUREEN]
And wipe the speakers off before you pack

[JOANNE]
Yes, Maureen

[MAUREEN]
Well, hurry back
[Maureen kisses Joanne]

[MR. GREY]
Sisters?

[MAUREEN & JOANNE]
We're close

[Collins & ANGEngel are sitting on theLtableARalready.REY]
Brothers!

[ALL]
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men
Pee-wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana

To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel, The Sex Pistols, 8BC
To no shame, never playing the Fame Game

[COLLINS]
To marijuana

[ALL]
To sodomy
It’s between God and me
To S & M

[Mr. Grey gets up to leave, Benny begins to follow him out.]

[MR. GREY]
Waiter, waiter!

[ALL]
La vie Bohème

[MARK, spoken]
This just in, the mythical land of Bohemia, once believed to be dead, is now showing shocking signs of life!

[COLLINS, spoken]
Mimi Marquez takes her lifetime appointment as minister of national security and BDSM

[ROGER, spoken]
And Mark Cohen is your new secretary of state propaganda

[MARK, spoken]
Oh thank you, thank you. Please keep it going for the revolutionary wild girl, who made tonight possible in the first place. The reigning queen of Bohemia, Miss Maureen Johnson!
[Maureen makes out with a random girl, Joanne notices.]

[BENNY]
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us

[MIMI]
There's nothing to know

[BENNY]
Don't you think that we should discuss --

[MIMI]
It was three months ago

[MARK, spoken]
And Roger, the unofficial bard of Bohemia, will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative love song
[Roger starts to play]
That doesn’t remind us of "Musetta's Waltz"

[COLLINS, spoken]
Angel Dumott Schunard takes her rightful place as queen of all she surveys, and beacon of hope in the darkest of days

[ANGEL, spoken]
And first philosopher Tom Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist, including the tale of the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcasts the words:

[ALL, spoken]
"Actual Reality - ACT UP - Fight AIDS!"

[MIMI]
Excuse me, did I do something wrong?
I got invited, then ignored all night long

[ROGER]
I've been trying, I'm not lying
No one's perfect, I've got baggage

[MIMI]
Life's too short, babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine

[ROGER]
I should tell you--

[MIMI]
I've got baggage too

[ROGER]
I should tell you--

[BOTH]
Baggage-

[ALL]
Wine and beer!

[S]
-everaler!

[MIMI]
AZT break

[ROGER]
You?

[MIMI]
Me. You?

[ROGER]
Mimi...