[Intro: Announcer (Nice Peter)]
Epic Rap Battles of History!
Adam versus
Eve
Begin!

[Verse 1: Eve (Jenna Marbles)]
This battle's gonna end like every argument does
With you kissing my ass and begging me for a rub
I made a map, motherfucker, and I'm reading it too
Gives me specific directions how to fuck with you
I know that you like to think you're so macho
But you smell like ballsacks and nachos
I work while you and your boyfriend Steve
Drink and play sports in a Fantasy League
You're as sharp as a stick that I rub on my lips
So go ahead, take a shot, I'm sure that you'll miss
Like the laundry, the toilet, the grocery list
If you'd stop fucking up I wouldn't have to get pissed

[Verse 2: Adam (EpicLLOYD)]
My life was fine 'til you had to come along and wreck it
Could you please just shut your face for ten seconds?
You cry about everything, but can't decide what you want
"I'm hungry", "I'm fat", "I'm cold", "I'm hot"
You call it complex, but, yo, I'd call you a mess
You take two hours to cum, three more to get dressed
You got a lotion for this, you got a cream for that
Got any perfume that smells like get the fuck off my back?
When things are good they're great, and it's like I'm dreamin'
Until your junk starts bleedin' and you turn to a demon
It ain't summer, Eve, don't try to play me like a douche
You wanna bite on my fruit, well, you can swallow the truth
[Verse 3: Eve (Jenna Marbles)]
Don't even bring up swallow
The first man on Earth ain't a tough act to follow
One pump chump and you're hung like a weasel
Psh, ditch the fig leaf, get yourself a pine needle
You want alone time? Have it, in fact
Suck your own dick and shave your own back
That apple's the best thing I bit so far
Now I see how much of a dick you are

[Verse 4: Adam (EpicLLOYD)]
I wasn't listening, are you still flapping those lips?
I was just thinking, "Yo, did I give up a rib for this?"
Woman, I just don't know what your problem is
All I know is you're acting like a colossal bitch

[Interlude: Adam (EpicLLOYD) & Eve (Jenna Marbles)]
I'm sorry
I'm sorry, too
All right, nice
Don't even think about it
Okay, that's fine, we could eat

[Outro: Announcer (Nice Peter)]
Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!
Epic (Oh, yeah) Rap Battles of History!