[Verse 1]
Three encores of Oh Sonny Boy backed only by accordion
Three rows of pale brunettes protect him from the crowd
And the curtain is a patchwork of imitation vermillion
And a red bulb hangs over the throne that has been found

[Refrain]
This is the scene on Main Street when John Fifty comes to town
Yes, this is the scene on Main Street when John Fifty comes to town

[Verse 2]
Crowds of every age, creed and gender are abound
Signor kitsch sings skits detailing each attendees sins
The first time anteaters lose themselves in the wings
With vigour they scratch red spots, overwhelmed by their king

[Bridge]
In all the world there’s no escape from this infernal din
In all the world there’s no escape from this infernal din

[Verse 3]
“Children of Bethlehem, come all boys and girls
Come listen to these, my eternal words
Judge not who you see by whatever they may say
But by their round eyes, lips, ears and curves
A man is his country, your country is you
All bad is forewarned, all good will come true”
[Refrain]
These words are heard on Main Street when John Fifty comes to town
Yes, these are the words on Main Street when John Fifty comes to town

[Verse 4]
The gargling non-song whips throng into frenzy
And the echoes of his crooning now cease to be heard
No-longer-pale brunettes are broken in two
And thrown to the snouts of the anteater crew
John Fifty is in tatters, his soapbox usurped
His torn robes adorn the tree stumps of the earth
No hack with an army will last long before he
Breeds men who yearn for their own bloody glory

[Refrain]
That was the scene on Main Street when John Fifty came to town
Yes, that was the scene on Main Street when John Fifty came to town