A reoccurring thought
There’s so much more to life than we’re afforded most times
There's so many cultures centered around spirituality
Or the discovery of self, and the pursuit of happiness
I’m exhausted living where I do
Interacting with people who only have this one-dimensional perspective on life
And I’m tired of the culture we live in
We are told to make the best of what we have
When there is no shortage of money or resources in the world
There's only a surplus of greed
I wonder how I keep getting caught in these loops of depression
I’ve found that it’s my environment
An environment that forces me to fit inside a mold I don’t belong just to survive
It drains my autonomy
I find that I do what I have to more than I do what I want
If I could wake up everyday and just be, I‘d be fine
If I could wake up and let the world take me where it will, it might take me to happiness
Jim Carrey said depression is your body telling you it’s tired of playing a character, and I’m tired
My depression isn’t sadness, it’s exhaustion

Who were you before the world told you who you were
Think about what it is that you do most often
Now imagine a life without it
Who are you outside of what you do
And that person
The one at my core is who is tired of being put to the side for masks I’m forced to wear or
People i’m forced to be
Versions of myself i have to put on to appease those around me
I’m not sad, I’m tired
There’s so much more to life than what we’re afforded sometimes
I look at the sky, and it reminds me there is always a part of the world I haven’t reached
It reminds me there is always more

I dream about a life waking up
In an apartment somewhere warm
And as the sun creeps over the windows
The only sound I hear is nature
And slight rain
There are no cars, or people
There is a silence beyond quietness
And for a second, I feel completely alone on earth

I think, “what do I have to do today?”
And a feeling of relief flushes over me

Nothing at all