[Dominic Dierkes]
[I was in] Grade 6– at this point 6th, 7th grade–
And i'm still like, really like-like we're friendly--it wasn't like she ignored me, uh, you know
Like I made her laugh in classes and stuff and we were friends but it wasn't like-we didn't hang out outside of school or anything

So, it was like Valentine's Day
I decide that I'm going to--this is probably the closest–if this story had actually followed through, would be the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me
I went--so we went to mass that morning–it was a catholic school, so we went to catholic mass–we're down at church and the night before, every little homeroom had their own little Halloween--excuse me--their own little Valentine's Day party
So, I decided--and we were gonna exchange valentines or whatever--so I decided the night before to make her a "secret admirer" little poem
And I don't remember what the-I really do, I'm not holding out, I really do wish what the poem said, but it was just something just really like struggling to rhyme
Like my whole goal was: make it rhyme and make it say "I like you", those were the two things, so it wasn't, like, artful in many ways

So I, so uh, and I signed it "Secret Admirer" and I typed it out on the computer, printed it out so that my handwriting wouldn't be obvious and I like put it in an envelope
So each homeroom had their stack of Valentine's Day cards so I went in--yeah, they each had their own stack of Valentine's Day cards
So we all went down to mass, and I had my little letter, and so we were all in church, and I get up to go to the bathroom, and I run upstairs to homeroom and I slip this envelope in her-in the stack of valentines cause she wasn't in my homeroom

So I go downstairs and I sit in mass, and I'm kind of very pleased with myself like I'm gonna pull this off
And then for the next like 45 minutes that mass took, I was-I just completely mind-fucked myself into thinking it was the worst idea ever
I just sitting there, I went from like "Yeah, I pulled this off" to just sitting there like "You're an-you're an idiot, man. This is probably the gayest thing anyone can do"
And just like "people are gonna know its me", "I'm not gonna be able to like-and what do I even have to stand to gain by it? Like if I ever admit that it's me, people will be like "You're lame", but if I don't admit to it, then she'll never know it was me"
So I was just-it was like-I was just sitting there sweating just looking–and I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom again cause they wouldn't let me
So I was just like "alright so I gotta get to that-" so then it became "Well, I gotta get to that envelope before anyone reads. I just gotta-I just gotta make that happen"

So all the homerooms--mass ends, and we all get up to go to our classes to have a little Valentine's Day party
We're all walking up the stairs and I'm like walking–like speedwalking and just like "hey whatever", I must've looked crazy
And then just go to the homeroom, and I'm like in the homeroom and I grab my letter, the letter that I had written
And then like, this is like before anyone was in the homeroom, but they're like SECONDS behind me
So I like grab the letter and shove it in my pocket, and then all the kids walk in like "Oh! You're not in our homeroom. What are you doing here?"
And I was just like "Oh! Right! Yeah yeah yeah sorry, I thought we were-I thought the party was in h-I gotta go" and I just left
And I just completely bolted and went to my homeroom and I took--and I was like "how do i dispose this thing"
So I literally ripped up the letter in the homeroom, went to the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet and then I was just like "*sigh* Thank god, I just created this massive problem for myself"

[mcDJ]
That's fucking hilarious