[Verse 1]
Once upon a time
On the Internet there was a guy
A very deeply flawed man, they called him Eric Bauman
He was a total asshole and nobody knows why
He traveled all around
On the pulse of each phenomenon
From Something Awful on to Fark with his trusty watermark
He stole and stuck it all upon ebaumsworld.com

[Chorus 1]
It wasn't fair to those from whom he stole
But did he care? No, not one bit
And then he had the nads to sell some ads
What a piece of shit, oh, Eric!

[Verse 2]
Eric's quite a slut
Other people's work has made him rich
He hired some male prostitutes, dressed them up in three-piece suits
His faithful team of lawyers, made the Internet his bitch
'til Lowtax came along
Punched him in the face and banged his mom
And Mr. Bauman, quite disgraced had his dumb website erased
Well, sadly that's a lie, there's still an Ebaumsworld.com
[Chorus 2]
But if we all join hands and sing this song
Then our call will reach the sky
And maybe Zeus and Thor will smite that whore
I think it's worth a try

[Outro]
Ebaumsworld is going down
We gotta rise up from the underground
And tell Eric Bauman a thing or two
'Bout how stealing simply isn't cool
So right now we're making that our mission
And if that bastard doesn't listen
We'll get sick of being lawful
And brand his ass with Something Awful!