[Verse 1]
I think it's time
For you to know
The awful truth
The truth about me, and the truth about you
'Cause you're a brand new species
Big cat (Uh oh!)
Space Nazis, Robert Stack (Uh oh!)
God damn it, gonna snap (Oh, oh oh oh oh)
Leonard Nimoy, call me back (Call me back!)

[Chorus]
I try to call you every day
I'm rehearsing what to say
When the truth comes out (Of my very own mouth)
I've been working on a unified theory
If I make it through tonight everybody's gonna hear me out
'Cause I'm the right one
On my touch-tone, touch-tone telephone
I'm the only one
On your A.M., A.M. radio

[Verse 2]
Oh, I'm crying now
Authentic tears
They flow out of me when I think about you
'Cause you're the only person in the world who'd understand
'Cause you're the only person in the world who'd understand the meaning of this
Oh my God!
I try and I try and I try (To make you listen to me)
[Chorus]
I try to call you every day
I'm rehearsing what to say
When the truth comes out (Of my very own mouth)
I've been working on a unified theory
If I make it through tonight everybody's gonna hear me out
'Cause I'm the right one
On my touch-tone, touch-tone telephone
I'm the only one (Hey!)
On your A.M., A.M. radio

[Bridge]
(Ooh)
Don't hang up yet, I'm not done
I'm an expert, I'm the one
The one who was right all along
Better to be laughed at than wrong
I'm an expert in my field
UFOlogy, yes, it's all real
Ancient aliens, it's all true
I'm an expert just like you
And like you, I'm a genius before my time
Disbelieving, that's the real crime
Pretty soon they'll discover me
In the Super-Sargasso Sea!
[Chorus]
I try to call you every day
What can I say
When the truth comes out? (Of my very own mouth)
I've been working on a unified theory
If I make it through tonight everybody's gonna hear me out (Now, now, now)
'Cause I'm the right one
(On my touch-tone telephone) On my touch-tone, touch-tone telephone
(I'm the only one on your A.M. radio!) I'm the only one
On your A.M., A.M. radio

[Instrumental Outro]