Yeah, I’m gonna put my phone into Airplane Mode
Lookin fly, in my neck pillow
Couldn't get a seat in the Exit row
Crammed in tighter than a Tootsie Roll

Weighed my luggage on the rack
They said I overpacked
Credit Card got maxed
From the extra fees attached
Then security
Randomly picked me
And just like at the dentist
They explored my cavity, ow

Have they ever cleaned this carpet?
Little Lap Dogs Marked It
Whеn we gonna get departin'?
Prе-board is Startin'

Welcoming First Class, Sir…
Premium Star, after
Gold Medallion Members
Disneyland Fast Passers
Children under 2, Please
Boomers wearing blue jeans
Anyone named Suzy
When the hell is Group D?
Tray Table feels unsturdy!
B Seat, Row 30
Every Surface here seem Dirty
Small Cups, I'm Thirsty!

Yeah, I'm gonna check out their safety video
Teach me, how to use a Seat Buckle!
I'm gonna make my chair Slightly Comfortable
Recline it Down, bout an inch or so!

Elbows, always, pummeled by the drink cart!
Inflight movies, cut out all the good parts
Snap a blurry photo out the window with my camera!
Airline magazine about the hottest bars in Tampa!
Spilled my pretzels against that wall
Cuz the seat back pocket is way too small!
Found an Ashtray, how is the plane that old?!
I better pop, some more Tylenol

Yeah, Tryna to take a nap, sittin' vertical
Closed my eyes, now my neck is sore
Sippin' bottled water paid eight bucks for
The Kid behind kicks like Ronaldo

Gonna walk on back through that middle row
And stand in line, for the Bathroom stall
Not a real great space, for a claustrophobe
And I get scared when that Flush sound goes…