1 of 4...

My name is Ian Mathias Bavitz
I was born in one-nine-seven-six, at Syosset hospital
Located in Long Island, NY
I am six foot, four. I weigh two-zero-zero pounds
I have brown hair, and green eyes
I enjoy writing songs, painting, movies, and diner food
I have two brothers, Chris and Graham
And two parents, Paul and Damita
In August of two-zero-zero-one, I went crazy...

This was originally not for public consumption
This was made for four people...
Four people that literally saved my life
They know who they are...
And uh, I mean I could live to be a thousand years old and never repay them
I don't think this song would pay for them
But hopefully by putting it out
It'll push the thank you a little further...

This ain't a burner for the whips. (No, it isn't)
This ain't even Aesop Rock fly earthworm demeanor. (No, it isn't)
My name is Ian Mathias Bavitz, and I was born in Long Island, New York, seventy-six
Before Graham and after Chris... OK
In August of two thousand one, my seemingly splinter-proof brain bone-scaffolding imploded
I kept it on the hush, but nearly tumbling
To the cold hard concrete on mere bodega trips
For cigarettes and soda, shook me to Casper
Dizzy with an argent chaser, motor sensory eraser
Agoraphobe tunnel-vision, guilt, self-loathing arrangement
Rose rapidly out a bog I'd never fished in
That abates three separate foreign meds
While I was used to hook-line-and-sinker-simple fission
Simple, primitive, self-taught easing of soul, mind and body
But the symptoms rejected my caveman Modus Operandi
So now it's one fish, belly up, through medicated mileage
And shrinks that get $250 an hour for awkward silence
And, I'd be lying if I said all of this
Made even the slightest fragment of sense to me
That's real... Simply put
I don't know what happened, or what's still happening
I literally feel like I'm teetering on the blunt edge of my sanity

JAMIE, I killed the robots and I'm sorry
Broke down in front of you. Embarrassed
But you lent a heart and hand that only you could
You're one of my best friends and, yes, I'd take that bullet for you
That's my word, which is about all I have left

TONY, I know you know I'm crazy, 'cause you told me
But that didn't ever bother you
I hold you as my brother 'til death
And I got your back if ever the drunk goblins step
For makin' a cat laugh, when I was walking with the dead
KATHERINE, mother figure, older sister. Concerned beyond limits
Letting me know I wasn't the only one with this
Continuous offers for vacation, Chicago visits
Talked me through repair of a head full of broken pistons

RIYAH, for the late night movie rentals and the company I needed
An' you knew it, but I just wouldn't admit it
You'd listen to me blab about my issues for hours
Offer incredible advice, gave me a hug when I was finished

Am I a jack of all trades? Nope... I like to write songs, though
Are they good? I dunno...
But I could tell you that I only write shit down when I believe it
So take this how you want, but know I mean it
I want you all to know that I'm scared out my fuckin' crooked soul
Never faced a monster like the last few months ever in my whole life...
I wish I could explain this better, (I can't)
But the pieces won't formulate it to anything even close to cohesive
So I guess this is my feeble way to thank you;
Four soldiers that extended something sacred off the purity of kindness
I owe you all my life and please don't argue with that statement
'Cause without y'all I may not have a life to offer, take it

Thank you

I wish I could explain this better
Thank you

I'm sorry for burdening your pleasures

Thank you

I love you all with all that's left of me. (Thank you)
For helping try to kill what made a mess of me. (Thank you)
Somehow, someway, (Thank you)
I'mma get you back someday. (Thank you)
Just gotta figure this all out... So...

I guess it is kind of funny when you look at it from a step back
How one man can literally buckle under the same pressures
Other men operate normally under
I have scoped this out from all angles, multiple times
I have been over everything in my head, 'til I can't think anymore
But I guess sometimes, when you can't breathe, there are people there
To breathe for you
I am lucky enough to have those people around me
Thank you for helping me to not die

Thank you for helping me to not die

Pocket full of pennies, and a soul gone tilt
Cockpit full of memories and a drain full of guilt