[JEREMY]
C-c-c c'mon, c-c-c- c'mon
Go, go
C-c-c c'mon, c-c-c- c'mon
Go, go

I'm waiting for my porno to load
My brain is gonna freakin' explode
And now, of course, it's time to hit the road
Which means I'll be uncomfortable all day
But that really isn't such a change
If I'm not feeling weird or super strange
My life would be in utter disarray
'Cause freaking out is my okay
Good morning, time to start the day!

C-c-c c'mon, c-c-c c'mon
Go, go
C-c-c c'mon, c-c-c c'mon
Go, go

(spoken)
Dad!
Haven't you heard of pants?

[MR. HEERE, spoken]
We're all men in this house!
Pretend we're in the army
[JEREMY, spoken]
Just, when I get home, please
Have clothes on, okay?

[MR. HEERE, spoken]
Ten-hut!

[JEREMY]
Should I take a bus or walk instead?
I feel my stomach filling up with dread
When I get nervous my whole face goes red
Dude, weigh the options calmly and be still
A junior on the bus is killer weak
But if I walk when I arrive I'm gonna straight up reek
And my boxers will be bunchy and my pits will leak
Ugh, God, I wish I had the skill
To just be fine and cool and chill

I don't wanna be a hero
Just wanna stay in the line
I'll never be a Rob DeNiro
For me Joe Pesci is fine
So I follow my own rules
And I use them as my tools
To stay alive
I don't wanna be special, no, no
I just wanna survive
[JEREMY and COMPANY]
C-c-c c'mon c-c-c c'mon
Go, go
C-c-c c'mon c-c-c c'mon
Go, go

Woah!

[CHLOE, spoken]
Oh, what are you staring at?

[JEREMY, spoken]
Um.. just trying to get to my locker

[CHLOE, spoken]
That guy is so weird

[BROOKE, spoken]
I've literally never noticed him

[RICH, spoken]
Yo, don't touch me, tall ass!

[JEREMY, spoken]
Sorry, I was just trying to get to my locker
[RICH, spoken]
You wash this off, you're dead!

[JEREMY]
I navigate the dangerous hall
Focus on a poster there on the wall
Avoiding any eye contact at all
And trying hard to remain unseen

The poster's closer now, what does it say?
Oh, it's a sign-up for the after-school play

It's a sign-up sheet for getting called gay
And that's not what I need right now
End scene
I hang a left and there's

Christine...
Christine...
Christine...
Christine Canigula
Christine...

[CHRISTINE, spoken]
Excuse me?
I think someone wrote "BOYF" on your backpack

[JEREMY, spoken]
I- uh!

[JEREMY]
Well, that was smooth
Yeah, that was super pimp
My Mac Daddy game couldn't be more limp
No time to wallow, no, instead
Just clear your brain and move ahead
Accept that you're one of those guys
Who'll be a virgin 'til he dies

I don't wanna be a baller
Just want some skills to count on
If my nuts were any smaller
They would be totally gone
If I continue at this rate
The only thing I'll ever date
Is my MacBook Pro hard drive
I don't wanna be Clooney, no, no
I just wanna survive

[JEREMY, spoken]
Michael!

[MICHAEL]
Jeremy, my buddy
How's it hanging?
Lunch is banging
Had my sushi
Got my slushie and more!

The roll was negimaki
And I'm feeling kinda cocky
'Cause the girl at Sev' Elev' gave me a generous pour

[JEREMY, spoken]
You're listening to Bob Marley again, aren't you?

[MICHAEL]
Oh, I'm listening to Marley
And the groove is hella gnarly
And we're almost at the end of the song

Yeah, that was the end
Now tell me friend
How was class?
You look like ass
What's wrong?

[JEREMY, spoken]
BOYF? What does that even mean?

[MICHAEL, spoken]
My mothers would be thrilled!

[JEREMY, spoken]
I hate this school

[MICHAEL, spoken]
It's all good
I saw on Discovery
That humanity has stopped evolving!

[JEREMY, spoken]
That's... good?

[MICHAEL, spoken]
Evolution's "Survival of the Fittest", right?
But now, because of technology
You don't have to be strong to survive!
Which means there's never been a better time in history to be a loser!
Ha!
Why try to be cool when you could be---

[JEREMY, spoken]
Signing up for the play!

[MICHAEL, spoken]
I was gonna say getting stoned in my basement, but...

[JEREMY, spoken]
No! I mean, look who's signing up for the play!

(sung)
Christine...

[MICHAEL]
Christine...

[JEREMY & MICHAEL]
Christine...
Christine Canigula
Christine...
Christine...
Christine...

[COMPANY]
Christine Canigula
Christine Canigula

[JEREMY]
I feel my body moving through the air
See my converse walking over there
Take a shaky breath and I prepare
Who cares if people think I'm lame
Christine signed, I'll do the same
I grab the pen, I write my name

[RICH, spoken]
Gay!

[COMPANY]
(Laughter)

[CHLOE, spoken]
I like gay people

[JEREMY]
I'm never gonna be the cool guy
I'm more the one who's left out
Of all the characters at school
I am not the one who the story's about
Why can't someone just help me out
And teach me how to thrive

[JEREMY & COMPANY]
Help me to more than survive!
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ah ah...
More than survive!
Na, na, na, na, na na na na...
More than survive!
Na, na, na, na, na na na na...

[JEREMY]
If this was an apocalypse
I would not need any tips
In how to stay alive

(spoken)
But since the zombie army's yet to descend
And the period is going to end

(sung)
I'm just trying my best to pass the test and

[JEREMY and COMPANY]
Survive!
C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon
Go, go!
Survive!
C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon
Go, go!

[COMPANY]
C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon
Go, go!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go
Go... go!