A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

James Corden

"Drop the mic vs Riz Ahmed"

JAMES
Am I supposed to be afraid
Of Riz cause he raps?
His lyrics lack depth
Just like when he acts

You might recognize him
From TV shows
Or … not at all
If you don't pay for HBO

On Girls this season
He taught Lena how to surf
But tonight you're drowning Riz
Cause you're on my turf

This a bloodbath
It's not a fair fight
It's like you were overbooked
On a United Air flight

RIZ
I speak the truth
You're a liar
You're like Sean Spicer
Mixed with a singing Uber driver

James and I are from
The same place on the map
That's how I know
He stole Graham Norton's act

I'm still a bit confused
With the show that you're sellin'
You sing and dance real cute
Isn't that basically Ellen?

Look at you on the chat show
I bet you think you're great
But mate, it's so late
Nobody's awake

JAMES
I know ruining a Star Wars
Is seen as unlawful
But here's a Rogue One spoiler –
In it, he's awful

Honestly, it's mean to say
In Star Wars he stinks
But he made me miss the days
Of Jar Jar Binks

Your sex scene in Girls
Might need an acting class
Cause you didn't have to get naked
Just to show that you're an ass

The Night Of is a murder mystery, right?
Well, there's not a mystery here
Cause I'm killing you tonight

RIZ
Yeah, I did do Star Wars
Bet that made you mad
Too bad, they weren't casting
Jabba The Hutt's dad

Yes, I had sex with Lena on TV
It was fun
I was on Girls –
You never touched one

Your favorite football team
Is West Ham United
You heard the word "Ham"
And got real excited

You're not an MC
You'll beg me to let you down gently
But I wouldn't stop this war
Even if Kendall Jenner brought out Pepsis

JAMES
Riz played at Coachella
Very cool, man
You rapped for teenagers
Wearing flower headbands

He was on Girls
To try to spice up the plot
Now Girls is off-air
You connect the dots…

You were in Jason Bourne
And played Matt's enemy
It's funny – no one who saw it
Knew your identity

He acts and has tracks
But never will hit
He's basically the world's worst
Version of Will Smith

RIZ
Yeah, I'm dressed like Will Smith
And get love in Miami
The most musical you got
Is falling over at the GRAMMYs

You brought up Jason Bourne
Which makes you a sucker
Cause you look like Matt Damon
If he only ate butter

You think that you're clever
But you're vacant
When you left for the States
We were like, "Sure, please take him."

Your flows are broke
Your jokes on the mic are spent
I saw you at Coachella
Weren't you the big white tent?

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #


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