[Intro]
I'm not proud of
Not proud of what happened
But, ehm
It was my fault
It often isn't
[?] frequently I get the blame
Yeah so
Yeah

[Verse 1]
It was a normal day, well, normal for me
I've done the impossible by quarter to three
I put my feet up, I was pouring the tea
Felt a burning sensation all on my knee
And then I noticed that my cup was gone
So is my left shoe, something's wrong
Movement in the shadows, I listen in the dark
It can't be Jeffrey, he's off visiting an aunt
I run for the lab, equipment is missing
There is a tuft, a hazel nut, crumb in the kitchen
I've had enough! [?] has never been my style
Whoever's at my stuff will regret it in a while
Night goggles, spare left shoe
A prof's got to do what a prof's got to do
Shout "I'm just going out" and then pretend to leave
Switch on invisibility, re-enter with ease

[Chorus]
(Shhh) Listen up, there's something near
There's a secret stash of nuts [?] under here
(Shhh) Get down, there's something weird
How did this tuft of fluff get stuck in my beard
(Shhh) Squirrel, squirrel
(Shhh) Squirrel, squirrel
(Shhh) Squirrel, squirrel
(Shhh) Squirrel, squirrel

[Verse 2]
There's one in my book shelf, one in my luggage
One in my underpant drawer, four in my cupboard
A third filling a swag bag with my family jewels
You squirrely bastard, that's not cool!
[?] held the squirrel that gets in my way
Time for a stealthy squirt of my knock-out spray
Tied to tiny chairs, got 'em up the next day
"Who sent you? Who are you? What have you got to say?"
They stay silent, they won't talk neither
Squirrels can't talk and neither do beavers
They're wearing antennas, I rewire the [?]
Ride the flying [?] to a nearby forest hideaway
I want to hide but it's time to be brave
I climb inside a tree, I'm finding my way
Creep inside the mighty oak, a light goes on
A voice says "I've been expecting you, I'm Mr Swan"

[Chorus]
(Shhh) Listen up, there's something near
There's a secret stash of nuts [?] under here
(Shhh) Get down, there's something weird
How did this tuft of fluff get stuck in my beard
(Shhh) Squirrel, squirrel
(Shhh) Squirrel, squirrel
(Shhh) Squirrel, squirrel
(Shhh) Squirrel, squirrel

[Verse 3]
It's a bit beyond what anybody is expecting
An evil swan using squirrels as weapons
Sat in a swivel chair, stroking an egg (Ha ha ha)
Stunned by what he said then caught up in a net
"You ate my brother for Sunday roast
Ate swans eggs on your breakfast toast
Now you fell into my trap" "But why squirrel thieves?"
"Well swans have no hands, just wings and beaks"
He dragged my net to the dining room
Into a mighty oven, to a fiery doom
Thought I brought no weapon, big mistake
In my pocket: crumbs, biscuits, cakes
And swans really love bready products
He gobbled and [?], he really loved it
We briefly tousled but then he was gone
On strong wing muscles, never trust a swan!
"Hehehehehe! You'll never catch me!
I'll be back! I'll be back!
That was some lovely cake though"

[Outro]
Look at this [?], now there's squirrels everywhere
Now I do– I don't think we should never be roasting a [?]
Not today, just a – let's just have a salad
No not a nut roast, that's the last thing, I want to be honest
Jesus!

* Swans honking *