Professor Elemental
Penny Dreadful
[Upper class Englishmen talking:]

Ohh... What a bloody, bloody foggy night
Oh god yes
Oh, I will have a brandy, yes, thank you
Do you know I, I heard from the commons that they're thinking of giving women the vote?
I wouldn't give women a goat! Bloody harlots!
Yes, yes, well I don't think Jack the Ripper is that, that bad a thing really
Not really, no
Between you and me
And what of Professor Elemental? What of him?
That damned fool? Don't ask! Last thing I heard, he was, making some kind of contraption to turn, jam into a new fuel, nearly set fire to the house of commons
Oh lord... I, I heard he went to the north pole, wearing only his top hat, and tried to catch penguins to use as servants!
Oh, doesn't surprise me. Yes, yes I even hear tell he's been trying to fly like some kind of foppish man-bird!
That damned orangutan of his is assisting him to make some sort of winged contraption
Oh, well after what happened to his last assistants, I'm not surprised he's resorted to primates
That's him!
Oh no, no...
Oh god, he's brought that damned monkey in...
Oh what's he wearing?
Oh, oh look what he's doing to the butler...
>[Professor Elemental]: "No Geoffrey"
Why is he even a member of this gentleman's club...
I don't know how he does it...
Right right, stay down, stay down...
I am reading my paper

[Professor Elemental, spoken]

Gentlemen, gentlemen! Hello! Good to see you all!
Oh, don't mind Geoffr... Geoffrey get down from there!
Oh I'm so terribly sorry...

I'll wager you haven't heard about my new invention?
No? I'm going to fly gentlemen! Like a bird through the sky!

[Verse 1, Professor Elemental]

Would you care for some snuff?
I just can't get enough
Trust you're here for the tour
Well explore if you must
I'll direct through trap door
To many an oddity
Bought from the foreigners
Out in the colonies
Ideas, got a headful
One man penny dreadful
The marvelous, eccentric, Professor Elemental
The year's 1880, and the race for the sky
Is what every inventor, is aching to find
In search of adventure
With a well waxed moustache
And a splendid top hat
I'll have the last laugh
Hard graft, dark arts
And I've crafted an ark
And I've studied the stars, on parchments of the past
I'm mastering my destiny
Constant creation
Awaiting patiently, for a nation's adulation
I'm making a promise, creating a thing
To take to the air, on mechanical wings!

[Verse 2, Professor Elemental]

In this steam-room for months
Lifting these lumps
Pistons and pumps
Shift and then shunt
Aided by my patient, companion by my side
A pet orangutan with a mechanical eye
But that's by-the-by
A whole other story
Today I will fly in my moment of glory
Well dressed
My 'tache is waxed to perfection
Unveiling my best and my grandest invention
Time to cause scandal
A ship of oak pannels
Balloons, wings, a stove
Ropes and brass handles
It's loud, yet serene
The crowd gave a scream
I launch to the sky above houses and streams
Soaring past clouds beyond towns in between
And I'm shouting so proudly
Announced on the scene
So God save The Queen!
Cause everything is possible
For a man in a top hat
With a monkey, with a monacle!

[Professor Elemental, spoken]

Ohh, this is the life, eh Geoffrey?
Flying through the sky, just me and my monkey
Take the wheel while I have a piece of cake

[Verse 3, Professor Elemental]

If a gentleman is known
By the state of his dwelling
Let's say that my quarters
Are really quite telling
Most men don't want it badly enough
From the opium dens
To the travellers club
Good christ we're too high!
Monkey steer from the sky
Thank the lord that I brought my spare air supply
Take care, dive soon
Oh we'll land on the moon
Foolish ape, don't try to spike the balloon with a spoon!
You lunatic we're doomed!
This adventure is hurtling
And crashing
Into London's town centre
And swerving -inaudible-
I deflate, I charter to land
Oh I'm cursing my ape
It's not part of the plan
I smash up Big Ben
Crash the palace confused
My ape takes the crown
But the Queen's not amused
I've produced quite a mess
But I'll keep my mind clear
Cause tomorrow I'll have my next finest idea!