[Intro: Benny Davis]
Good evening everybody
Welcome to the show
Before we begin with the comedy
There's something that you need to know
Things are a little different
Since the last time we were here
One of us has gone through some changes
It might be strange but it's nothing to fear

[Pre-Chorus: Benny Davis, Jordan Raskopoulos]
So it's time to address the rumour
Do it with a sense of humour
So there's no mistaking identity for a costume
We think it's best to point out the elephant in the room

[Chorus: Benny Davis, Jordan Raskopoulos, All]
Yes, Lee is bald
He's a bald man with a bald head
Yes, Lee is bald
The man with hair you once knew is dead
He wasn't bald before
But now he is bald
How strange, how odd, how queer
Lee is bald
[Verse 1: Jordan Raskopoulos]
Ever since he was a child
Lee's been thoroughly aware
That he's been a bald man all along
Trapped inside a man with hair
Now he's come to grips with his identity
He is whole, he is secure, he is happy, he is free

[Chorus: Benny Davis, Jordan Raskopoulos, Lee Naimo, All]
Yes, Lee is bald
Just take a look at that head
Yes, Lee is bald
Shiny and pointed like an egg
He's kicking ass with his bare head
How strange, how odd, how queer
Yes, Lee is bald
Lee is bald

[Verse 2: Lee Naimo, Voice, The Axis of Awesome]
Hey Lee, now that you're bald, is your voice gonna change?
No
Hey, now that you're bald, which bathroom do you use?
I use the bald men's bathroom
Lee, now that you've got no hair on your head, does that mean that you like guys now?
Well, androgenic alopecia has nothing to do with sexual preference
How long's it going to take before you're fully bald?
Great question, and you know what, I'm not even sure
But I lost a few more hairs this morning so this isn't even my final form
Hey, Lee, now that you wanna be bald, are you gonna cut your dick off?
None of your fucking business
None of your fucking business
[Chorus: Lee Naimo, Jordan Raskopoulos, Benny Davis, All]
Yes, I am bald
He's proud and he is fierce
Yes, I am bald, I am bald, look at my head
If you've got a problem
Then fuck off outta here
I am bald, I am bald
He is bald
Oh, and also Jordan's a woman now

[Spoken: Jordan Raskopoulos]
Alright, Sydney
Come on, let's make some noise!