It's a troubled world
Have you seen the news
Kids of today in a haze of booze
Someone wake me up from this crazy dream
Little Janie's got a date with Jim Beam
But this horrible curse
Oh it just keeps getting worse
A kids birthday party
Sponsored by Bacardi

Put down that momosa
Wingardium Leviosa
Janie what have you been thinking
Expliarmus teenage drinking
Let Harry Potter kick your habit
So drop that drink just sorting hat it

Jordan what are you doing?
Harry Potter
Why?
He is the best
Yeah look but that's not what the songs about
No but is what the songs about
Harry Potter has a magic wand
And with his magic wand Harry Potter can stop teenage drinking
What?
In fact Harry Potter can solve all of the worlds problems
Listen...
He'll stop hunger, put an end to pollution
Yeah Harry Potter is the ultimate solution
He'll stop global warming and all the rape
Just like he stopped Professor Snape

So let your cauldron bubble
And lets all forget our troubles
Dont be feeling down or depressed
Just climb aboard the Hogwarts Express

Forget all you sins
Come with Ron and the Weasley twins
If your wife is being a whore
50 points to Griffyndor
If you're burnt by a Goblet of Fire
Just jump on your broomstick
It's time to get higher

Yo whether you're a muggle, a wizard or a witch
If you got that itch then catch that snitch
He'll solve your problems no matter how tragic
Harry Potter, He's fucking magic
No cure for AIDS, So you thought
He'll smack it down just like Voldemort
He'll never admit defeat about Harry
Yeah if he were blind who would make me see
Slytherin and Ravenclaw even Hufflepuff and Gryffindor
Open the door get on the floor, everybody do the Dumbledore
Come on Benny dont be a stranger
Aloha Mora, Hermione Granger
But I can't read
Dont weep or cry
There's books on tape by Stephen Fry
So if you're looking for that extra jolt
Choose that boy who lived with the lightning bolt (on his forehead)

And here's one extra final piece of news yeah
Got to stop those animals escaping from Zoos
Something else for all of you non-believers
The people responsible are careless Zookeepers
Late at nights when they leave open the cages
I find it, We find it, Outrageous
Outrageous