(Verse 1)
[PETE]
Put on my bootleg Jordans and boarded the train
Touched down in the land of Colin Jost and the legendary Wu-Tang

[BIG WET]
Drive on by the garbage dump so big you could see it from space

[PETE]
Yeah, we got like 80 bagel spots and every block has a pizza place

(Chorus 1)
[PETE AND BIG WET]
And I'm walking in Staten
All the way from Stapleton to Great Kills
Walking in Staten
We've got a lot of cops and a ton of pills

(Verse 2)
[PETE]
Saw the ghost of Robert Loggia and said, "From where do I know you?"
He said, "I was the guy on the piano in Big" and he sparked up a major doob
Security sure did smell him, and thеy said "Who the hell are you?"

[PETE AND BIG WET]
Man, it's Pеte and Wet, and you'd best bet that Marc Cohn's gonna sue
(Spoken)
[MARC]
No, I don't want to be in a parody of my own song. What do you mean, I'm already in it?

(Chorus 2)
[PETE, BIG WET, AND MARC]
And I'm walking in Staten
Is this a pizza place or a bagel place?
Walking in Staten
It's actually a pizza place inside a bagel place

(Bridge)
[MARC]
They've got the Verrazzano Narrows (It's actually pretty wide)

[BIG WET]
They've got Chris the Hobby Guy (Hey, it's Chris and Lisa! Hop in!)

[PETE]
And when you see wild turkeys by the hospital an alarming amount
No one even bats an eye
Man, it's really weird in Staten

[MARC]
I think this strip club used to be a McDonald's
[BIG WET]
And our zoo is shockingly small

[PETE]
Once I saw Method Man hit a hole-in-one
At the Safari Mini-Golf

(Rap)
[METHOD MAN]
Staten Island is where I'm walkin'
Real is what I'm talkin'
Y'all proceed with caution
Don't cross this native New Yorkin'
You know we Empire State
We're devastatin' and awesome
My Yankee hat a statement
And a middle finger to Boston
Not like I'm walkin' in Memphis
Feel it in my britches
Elvis made his little riches
By stealin' from Little Richard
Where I'm from we a little different
We're trappin' and easy passin'
Cross the Verrazzano and welcome to Staten

(Verse 3)
[PETE]
We were drinkin' White Claws and bootlegs
[MARC]
And the cops challenged us to a fight

[PETE]
He said, "Tell me, are you Italian?"

[METHOD MAN]
And I said, "Man, I am tonight."

(Chorus 3)
[ALL]
And I was walking in Staten
This place is the reason I turned out weird
Walking in Staten

[MARC]
And thanks to New Jersey, we now have deer

[ALL]
And we were walking in Staten
Where everybody's dreams go right down the drain
Walking in Staten
Babies here are born with a golden chain

(Spoken Outro)
[PETE]
Wow, look at the ocean, guys. Imagine if we could actually swim in it

[MARC]
What's that out in the water?

[METHOD MAN]
A dead body

[BIG WET]
Great