I'm gonna call myself a taxi
I'm gonna take a little trip downtown
Search every bar and honky-tonk
Till I find Jesse Brown

Jesse ain't been making it home
The past few Friday nights
Something's been taking his money
And keeping him out till broad daylight

Hey cab driver, let me out right here
There's a car I'm looking for
And old Jesse's gonna be surprised
When I walk through that door

There he sits with a painted blonde
Buying all the drunks a round
I turned the jukebox off and introduced myself
As mad Mrs. Jesse Brown

Old Blondie headed for the ladies room
But I caught her going in the door
One good pull and her long blonde wig
Went flying to the floor

I washed her heavy make-up down
With Jesse's mug of beer
I pulled her off of that barroom floor
And I flung her down in a chair
Take a look at what you've got now, Jesse Brown
Yea you've been loving on a phony honky-tonk clown
Step up a little bit closer, I've got her all stripped down
Take a look at what you've got now, Jesse Brown

There she sits with a head full of pins
And no eyebrows at all
Her ruby-red lips ain't so red
Her eyelashes ain't so long

The big black mole and her rosy cheeks
Disappeared in the fight
Old Jesse Brown, just hang around
I'm gonna turn on the lights

Take a look at what you've got now, Jesse Brown
Yea you've been loving on a phony honky-tonk clown
Step up a little bit closer, I've got her all stripped down
Take a look at what you've got now, Jesse Brown

Take a look at what you've got now, Jesse Brown