[Verse 1]
They say to have her hair done, Liz flies all the way to France
And Jackie's seen in a discotheque doing a brand new dance
And the White House social season should be glittering and gay
But here in Topeka, the rain is a-falling
The faucet is a-dripping and the kids are a-bawling
One of them a-toddling and one is a-crawling
And one's on the way

[Verse 2]
I'm glad that Raquel Welch just signed a million dollar pact
And Debbie's out in Vegas, working up a brand new act
While the TV's showing Newlyweds, a real fun game to play
But here in Topeka, the screen door's a-banging
The coffee's boiling over and the wash needs a-hanging
One wants a cookie and one wants a changing
And one's on the way

[Bridge]
Now what was I doing? Jimmy, get away from there, darn, there goes the phone
Hello, honey, what's that you say? You're bringing a few old Army buddies home?
You're calling from a bar? Get away from there
No, not you, honey, I was talkin' to the baby
Wait a minute, honey, the doorbell
Honey, could you stop at the market and— hello? Hello?
Well, I'll be
[Verse 3]
The girls in New York City, they all march for women's lib
And Better Homes and Gardens shows the modern way to live
And the pill may change the world tomorrow, but meanwhile today
Here in Topeka, the flies are a-buzzing
The dog is a-barking and the floor needs a scrubbing
One needs a spanking and one needs a hugging
Lord, one's on the way

[Outro]
Oh, gee, I hope it ain't twins again