It's kind of hard to wear high heels
Or slip on banana peels
How does she get in and out of tubs?
I hope she don't get mad
I hope she thinks this song is good not bad
Cause we think that she's totally rad, she's Nubs

No fingers, no toes, she doesn't own elbows
No phalanges, no knobby knees to knock
She don't need knuckles or hands to go see punk rock bands
She's always in the stands, she's Nubs
She can't pick up a phone, she can't get dressed alone
She's got no funny bone, she's Nubs
No shoes for feet but we sure do think she's neat
She's Nubs, she's Nubs, she's Nubs

I asked her if she want a drink
I asked her if she liked Toronto
I asked her to go out to the bar
But all she said was no thanks, no, and no

It was time for us to leave, so I grabbed and shook her sleeve
And told her I'd see her at the next club
She got into a pack, some guy put her on his back
She said goodbye and kinda waved her stub
She's got beautiful eyes and breasts regular size
But without calves and thighs, she's Nubs
It's hard to give good head or get tied to a bed
When all you've got is a body and head, she's Nubs

She's Nubs, she's Nubs, she's Nubs
Oh she may not walk the walk
And she may not like to talk
But boy she sure knows how to rock, she's Nubs!