My wife has a new girlfriend
And I'm not sure of what to do
She has hair like me and a film degree
She's a punk rock lesbian Jew

I'm not afraid of her leaving me
But I'm worried that I'll get beaten less frequently
'Cuz I bet she's got the book of lesbian tricks
Stroking the G-spot and sophisticated cunt licks

My wife stays with her girlfriend
More often than she stays with me
She bails when she tires of my arrogance and insensitivity

Obviously she didn't listen to my message
That was probably the best message I ever sent
I took the time after finishing nine
To tell her that I birdied and I'm sure she'll be fine
The surgery she's having had very high success rate
And when it's over I'll be there by her side before eight
Unless of course the game goes late
'Cuz I was playing golf so great

My wife has a new girlfriend
I like to call her princess lebia
She says I should be reading about cuckolding
'Cuz that's what's happening to ya
She says she needs someone
Who will listen to her
And then I think she said something else
But it was hard to make out when she was mumbling about
'Cuz she slurs her speech when she's crying
She was acting like somebody that was dying
'Cuz I was rolling my eyes and kinda sighing

My wife had a new girlfriend
Today they broke up for the fourth time
I think they'll get together once or twice again
'Cuz that's a Jewish dyke paradigm
But this relationship was born from sobriety
Of vegan dietary, sex without violence, anxiety
When she decided to deny herself the pleasures of life
She broke up with her newish Jewish girlfriend
And became my ex wife