[Verse 1: Eric Melvin & Fat Mike]
How does the drunkest person on the bus
Wake up and manage to take such good care of us?
An honorable man that's impossible to hate
Even though his laugh to joke ratio is about one in eight

[Pre-Chorus: Eric Melvin & Fat Mike]
What is it about him?
What sets him apart?
How does such a tiny person have such a big heart?
He only sometimes drops the ball
Like the six times he told the bus to leave
When one of us was at a petrol station
Shitting in a bathroom stall

[Pre-Chorus: Eric Melvin & Fat Mike]
That's David Pollack
Alcoholic
Real dedication
To inebriation
My friend David
Master of Kung-Fu
We're all singing this song just to say thank you
And one day we're gonna get you back

[Verse 2: Eric Melvin & Fat Mike]
He's not a giant man
But he represents some giant voices
But sometimes Alcopollack doesn't make the greatest choices
He might excel in tours and food
But he lacks something in tact
He told Dexter that his band sucks
And he called Matt Freeman fat
[Pre-Chorus: Fat Mike]
He pissed off Graffin and insulted Tré Cool's first wife and fiancée
That's how he lost Bad Religion, The Offspring
Rancid, Pennywise, the Mad Caddies, Rise Against
But the one that hurt the most must have been Green Day

[Chorus: Eric Melvin & Fat Mike]
That's Alcopollack
Philanthro-folic
Grappa all nighter
Bar fight inciter
My friend David
For all your dedication
This song is for you
To show all our appreciation
But why do you always have to be on vacation?