There are lots of words that mean
You've been landed in the..cart
But I've found a new one better than the rest
It's a little word called lumbered
And I speaks it from the 'eart
When it comes to getting' lumbered, I'm the best

I get l-u-m-b-e-r-e-d lumbered
It's enough to drive a fella round the bend
Once I found a four leafed clover
And a lorry ran me over
So you see I still got lumbered in me end
Like the time I crossed a gypsy's palm with silver
And she said "There's a stranger in your life"
I got l-u-m-b-e-r-e-d lumbered
'Cos the stranger caught me with his wife

I get l-u-m-b-e-r-e-d lumbered
Once I won two hundred thousand on the pools
So I handed in me ticket
Told the foreman where to stick it
And I told him that includes me bag of tools
Then I bought meself an 'aase in Monte Carlo
(Ahem, house)
I was puttin' on me suit to catch the boat
When I found that I'd been well and truly lumbered
'Cos the coupon was still in me coat
If I ever get me hands upon the idiot who wrote
"Into every life a little rain must fall"
I shall take his book of poems and I'll stuff 'em up his throat
'Cos it seems to me as though I get it all

I get l-u-m-b-e-r-e-d lumbered, yeah!
And my luck with women's just too rough for words
On a foursome or a twosome
Guess who gets the one that's gruesome
Me address book's full of really ugly birds
But one day I met a lovely little darlin'
'Bout the only bit of luck I've ever had
I took 'er 'ome to meet the family and got lumbered
'Cos me darlin' ran off with me dad

I get l-u-m-b-e-r-e-d lumbered
And the latest lumber makes me want to spit
I wrote Newley a long letter
Saying why aren't pop songs better
He put music to it and it was a hit
Ev'rywhere I go I hear his flamin' number
On the Chinese his parade it's number ten
(Yen, Ten)
It's called "l-u-m-b-e-r-e-d, lumbered"
But I'm never gonna get, never gonna get
Never, never never gonna get, never gonna get
Never, never, never gonna get lumbered again