[Verse 1]
Well, why are video games so bloody violent?
Mindless? Man, it's time to rewind
To a time where the action was colorful and innocent
Moms and dads didn't have to be diligent
Didn't have to panic for the kids becoming militant
Mario's back and it's brilliant!
I'm a wholesome character that is suitable for children
A real role model when I'm leaping off a building
Come on kids; follow me, follow me
One, two, three; jump off and wee!
Dash through traffic shouting, "Tally ho!"
Can you run down the road as fast as Mario?
I'mma show you pipes; a variety of types
Hash pipes, crack pipes; pass me a light
I'm jacked up on mushrooms, listening to Rush tunes
Puff, puff, pass me the carrot
Motherfuck you!

[Hook 1]
Fuck yeah
Oh no, Mario!
Fuck yeah
Oh no, Mario!
Fucking listen
[Verse 2]
Roll up to the club and I jump on the table
Engage in R-rated behavior that's shameful
Fuck the haters straight up mate
You can jump on a turtle and make it painful
I'm only saving Princess Peach
To get a piece and pinch her peaches, preach!
I'm going to break that bum when I get her home
But I've got the shakes man, I'm coming off the methadone
So, I scoff another plate full of Goombas
Make her suck me off on the rug like a Roomba
Ooh-rah! Rebel rabble-rouser
That'll yank down Bowser's trousers
And I sell drugs, plumbing is a front
I'm addressing every woman as a cunt
Roughing up a punk while I'm puffing on a blunt
Duppy motherfuckers and I stuff them in the trunk

[Hook 2]
Fuck finishers in Mortal Kombat
Oh no, Mario!
Mario's already been there, done that
Oh no, Mario!
Fuck Carmageddon and fuck Manhunt
Oh no, Mario!
Mario's worse, he's a god-damn cunt
Oh no, Mario!
[Verse 3]
Spin my hat front to back then back to front
I bet you can't do that, you cunt
I'm a little fucking fat fucking plumber
Fucking taking on fucking any fucking comer
I'm a loose cannon on the loose
With an appetite for animal abuse
Don't like Jews, I don't like you
Don't like anybody, hang 'em from a noose
Enacting atrocities, cruelty of all kinds
Bloodbaths, massacres, slaughter and war crimes
Napalming your jungle leaves
When I'm shaking the junk in my dungarees
But you won't get a crumb from me
Because I'm from the streets of New Donk City
Out the barrio and I'm heading for Hell
It's-a-me, Mario! Beheading infidels

[Hook 3]
Fuck Saints Row, fuck Grand Theft Auto
Oh no, Mario!
Mario's going to come and cut your throat
Oh no, Mario!
Fuck Doom, fuck Hatred
Oh no, Mario!
Mario's raping all that is sacred
Oh no, Mario!
[Outro]
Nintendo; fun for all the family