So Boyzone plan to play without Gately
So what? Other bands do the same daily
I ought to mind what I say or I'll have to call a lawyer
'Cause when annoyed fans of boy bands are coming for you
It's a tad worrying, especially for Jan Moir
Jon Venables has been a very bad boy again
He was meant to be a friendly
Decent fellow with a fresh idendity
Let me see, it's a bit tricky, rehabilitation
When you're the most reviled child killer in the nation
'Cause when you're famous for that it's hard to chat to neighbours
About the past or how crap your day was
Looks like it's not just us that's had to pay the cost
And speaking of creepy boys, Jedward have just been dropped
Hillary Clinton's been venting on the phone
To the Israelis about the extension on their home
Now I don't claim to know the ins and outs of it
And I realise the sensitivity needed since Auschwitz
But I'm a bit thick so tell me this:
Why do two disciples of the same man, Abraham
Find it harder to get on than a unicycle?
I've rifled through the Bible, the Torah and the Koran
I challenge you to find it where it orders you
To build a giant wall drop, white phosphorous
Or fire rockets across to stop the Zionist rule
It's the kind of stupid rivalry fools do in primary schools
Due to undeveloped pituitaries and tiny balls
I find it all quite baffling
Like the fact the British Airways
Cabin crews would plan to pack it in while back in Britain
'Cause if that was me I wouldn't go on strike
Until the plane had landed in a place I quite like
Or just find a new job if I was that adamant
Apparently Hull City are after new managament
Beckham's torn a ligament, it's typical isn't it?
At his age he should have been a little bit more vigilant
But the real issue is will he heal?
'Cause if he doesn't that'll be the team's Achilles' heel
We've been delivered a curveball before
But this isn't the sort of Sport Relief we're looking for
Before we choose who runs the whole country, look:
Eddie Izzard can run the whole country on foot
So if you're interested in assisting in your own way
Go to the Sport Relief homepage and donate