[Intro]
Hello, everybody
Today, we're going to be talking all about clothes

[Verse 1]
They say clothes maketh the man
And I'm rough around the edges, so I get them second hand
I'm a Dapper Dan, mon capitan
But I can hardly afford food, it might as well be Ramadan
Not an Islamic man, but I believe in charity
And that's the reason I need my meagre salary to feed me calories
I could eat a bag of sweets
Until my teeth have cavities and I'm in bleeding agony (aah!)
The reason for this allegory; cuisine-themed analogy
Is so you can see there's really not much cash left for vanity
My malady's a lack of Pounds and Ps
As an impoverished musician, food isn't guaranteed, apparently
So my apparel needs value
Unlike the brands' TV ads try and sell you
I don't wanna be a walking billboard
That's not what the reason that I walk this world's for

[Chorus]
I'd go out tonight
But I simply can't decide what to wear
Yes, I'd go out tonight
But I simply can't decide what to wear
I've just got too many nice clothes...
[Verse 2]
Stuff from Oxfam? I've got lots, fam
Enough to fill up a rather large box
Pantaloons to top hats and shoes to socks
Dan's the dude to rock that used luminous jockstrap (eugh!)
Perusing the hotpants and choosing them off racks
I don't mean to be rude, but God damn, I'm hot, man (woo!)
I've got a bit of a tummy, so this is fitting funny
But I don't give a shit 'cause of how sick I'm spitting, dunny (brah)
See me, I'm a thrifty beatnik
I got this whole outfit for fifty three quid (hahah)
So if you need kit for a minimal fee
It's as simple as one (click), two (click), three (click)
Fork out a little bit of moolah for new garms (di-ding)
If anybody says it's not enough, they're chatting rhubard (ah)
Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah, Zip-a-Dee-Ay
You want a dead fellow's wardrobe? Bid on eBay

[Chorus]
I'd go out tonight
But I simply can't decide what to wear
Yes, I'd go out tonight
But I simply can't decide what to wear

[Verse 3]
I'm low on cheddar and so I'm going second hand
'Til I compose a better plan for dressing, man (ah)
Wearing a garish tracksuit (yeah) with a pair of jackboots
Family staring, thinking "Dan, where... is that you?" (what?)
I put myself on eBay, but the winner didn't pay me though
I'm nearly at the stage that I'll be broke and made to sew
I'd make my own clothes, but I'm a lazybones, given my own way
I'd stay in my baby grow until I weigh like eighty stone (wehehegh)
So whether you like eighties clothes or ladies' coats
Get them second hand, they're fresher than the Daily Show
So get your daily dose of an amazing change of clothes
You'll be smooth and razor sharp like using shaving foam
I say stay away from those mainstream label trading posts
Once I saw a tie twice the price of a stately home
If you aren't on the gravy train, so can't pour the gravy boat
All over the pastry dough, you know the place to go
[Chorus]
I'd go out tonight
But I simply can't decide what to wear
Yes, I'd go out tonight
But I simply can't decide what to wear