[Song 1: Kermit]
Let's put out some treats for Santa
Let's help him stay refreshed
If you don't give treats to Santa
Well, he'll feast upon your flesh

[Song 2]
I see mommy kissing Santa Claus
Now they're doing a little bit more than kissing

Oh, God!

[Song 3]
Hey, little girl, sit on my lap
So that we may talk about toys

Oh my God, that sounds awful once you step back and listen to yourself! ...Yeah, I deserve this. Lock me up, lock me up...

[Song 4: Drunk Idiot & Sane Person]
Who spiked the eggnog?
Who spiked the eggnog?
Who spiked the eggnog?
Maybe it was you!
"Dude, nobody spiked the eggnog!"
Oh, it expired in 1982
So that's why it tastes so funny, hahaha!
[Song 5: Dan Bull]
Yo, it's Santa
Put all your hands up, damn, bruh
This rap track is a banger, standard
I'm grabbing all the ham in the hamper
Sipping Cognac Brandy right out the decanter
Riding my reindeer about at a canter
Grabbing Dancer, and Prancer's antlers
Yank them about for the banter
Wow, man, I'm random
Handing bags full of bamboo to pandas
And I'm giving Bob Ross fans a new canvas
Is that a happy little cloud, or a Santa?
Dang, it's the man with the fan club
From Hampshire to Japan, Uganda, Rwanda, Sri Lanka
Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Kwanzaa
As-Salaam-Alaikum, namaste, gouranga
Thank you, or in Frankfurt: "danke"
Because having good manners? That's gangsta
People are mistaken in believing that Australia's
Capital city's Sydney, it's actually Canberra
Jacksfilms, Dan Bull, assholes, cameras
Don't read the comments, 'cause they're bad for your grammar
Reading all your letters, and their spelling got me anxious
#YIAY, let Jack find the answers
I invented product placement, ooh, Fanta
That'll go well with a Chandler Lasagne
Now I'm amped up, and that's just a sampler
Of sounds that I'm sticking in your hippocampus
It is a Christmas bonanza, extravaganza
And, damn, it feels good to be a Santa
Yeah, damn, it feels...
[Song 6]
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Enjoy Hell!
HAHAHA

[Song 7]
First, you gotta make the butt
Then you make another butt
I think that's too many butts
And now we are a snowman!

[Song 8: Roomie]
Jingle my bells, baby
Jingle my bells, please
Jingle my bells, baby
Jingle my bells, please
Yeah, jingle them, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Whoa, oh, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, ooh

[Song 9]
Christmas List, A Christmas Kiss
A Christmas Wish, and A Wish For Christmas
Once Upon A Christmas, Twice Upon A Christmas
12 Dates of Christmas, 12 Men of Christmas
Snowglobe, and A Snow Globe Christmas
Can't stress enough these are separate movies
A Prince For Christmas, A Princess For Christmas
December Bride, *cough*
[Song 10]
I am the guy who cleans up after reindeer

That's it, that's the whole song

[Song 11: Jack & Uncle Joe]
Let's all ignore our racist Uncle Joe
Let's all ignore our racist Uncle Joe
Let's all ignore our racist Uncle Joe

I feel like there's more black people, like in general, you know? And I'm not saying that's a bad thing, haha, I'm no racist, but it's pretty jarring when I turn on the TV and, bah, it's a black person, you know what I mean? Hey, I'm just saying what we're all thinking, you know? I'm just saying what we're all thinking, you know? I'm just saying what we're all thinking... (Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up...)