[Verse]
Yo it's Santa, put all your hands up
Damn, bruh
This rap track is a banger, standard
I'm grabbing all the ham in the hamper
Sipping cognac brandy right out the decanter
Riding my reindeer about at a canter
Grabbing Dancer and Prancer's antlers
Yank them about for the banter, wow man, I'm random
Handing bags full of bamboo to pandas
And I'm giving Bob Ross fans a new canvas
Is that a happy little cloud or a Santa?
Dang, it's the man with the fan club
From Hampshire to Japan, Uganda, Rwanda, Sri Lanka
Merry Christmas, happy Hannukah, Kwanzaa
As-salaam-alaikum, namaste, gouranga
Thank ya, or in Frankfurt: "Danke"
Because having good manners? That's gangsta

Got a lap dance from an Elf up in Lapland
Told me she's a bad lass, and I'd have to spank her
What's good for the goose isn't bad for the gander
Ho ho ho is the fat man's mantra
Oop, that's another scandal
I'll hand to my manager to handle and come up with an angle
Like I'm a really nice version of Abu Hamza
Snow hiding my dandruff
Don't come down a chimney, that'll land you in handcuffs
Sorry Dorothy, we're not in Kansas
Cancer's starting a stanza that's starker than Sansa
Or the seedier parts of Atlanta
Sex and the City cast: Parker, Samantha
Don't let them tell you that you can't, 'cause you can
And if the other kids in class say Santa's a sham
Tell them: That's fake news! Sad! Propaganda!
People are mistaken in believing that Australia's
Capital city's Sydney, it's actually Canberra
Jacksfilms, Dan Bull, assholes, cameras
Don't read the comments 'cause they're bad for your grammar
Reading all your letters and their spelling got me anxious
#YIAY, let Jack find the answers
I invented product placement, ooh, Fanta
That'll go well with a Chandler lasagne
Now I'm amped up, and that's just a sampler
Of sounds that I'm sticking in your hippocampus
It is a Christmas bonanza, extravaganza
And damn, it feels good to be a Santa (yeah)
Damn, it feels good to be a Santa