[Intro]
This is the story
Of how I ended up making this song

[Verse 1]
The other afternoon at about half past two
I got an inquiry from some company Nutaku
About a game they had, perhaps I'd like to rap for it
It's all straightforward, but there may be one small asterisk
Namely, it was aimed at adults and thus was vaguely explicit
But come on, that isn't really enough to dissuade me, is it?
Then I saw the trailer of this thing, looked like a risky click
Which made me turn it down but turned around just like a misty flip
Sitting, considering sticking my chip into the mystery dip
Then thinking, "heck, I need the content and it could be sick"
It could be funny, so I run them up and said, "yeah, kiss me quick"
And now I'm writing this while sipping whiskey, this is pretty slick
So if you'll allow us, then I'll use my vocal talents
To make this overwhelming adult game look so composed and balanced
Like the flows and raps I'm using to promote this gash
Who else could berate a game in exchange for loads of cash?

[Hook]
You are the wielder of the sacred sword
Saving buxom maidens from the taint of war
You are the wielder of the sacred sword
It's a serious game, we are not making porn (It's art)
[Verse 2]
Welcome to the land of Midgardia
Full of women and you're the head guardian
None of the are nanas that have knit cardigans
So man, it's like a neckbeard kid's Narnia
Hit harder than the thing in your palm
When you're thinking your mom isn't in, bring it on
Still can't believe that I'm singing this song
But I'm so far deep in that it'd be wrong
To pull out now, if your wife finds you playing
Then tonight you'll be laying on a pull-out couch
Look out (ow), weapons are aimed
Where's the line between pleasure and pain?
When you find it things are never the same
Like treading on the tail of a venomous snake
Like every line I'm fed up of saying
I need something new to get up again
Something unfamiliar, get ahead of the game
I'm done with vanilla, I'm ready for change
Ready for mods, ready for patches
Ready to level up and get a bit batshit
Get a bit impassioned, I'm built for it
The weapon is fashioned, hilt to tip
From my flesh and blood, not rock or metal, but I'm getting wood

[Hook]
You are the wielder of the sacred sword
Saving buxom maidens from the taint of war
You are the wielder of the sacred sword
It's a serious game, we are not making porn (It's art)
[Verse 3]
This game is clearly indicative of the male gaze
But that is not to say this isn't for male gays
Or female gays or straights or those across the spectrum
Whether willy, vag or rectum, I totally respect them
My mind is open like I poked it with a speculum
I'm learning from the school of life 'till I know the curriculum
I'm into isometric gaming and I like electric ladyland
And this combines the racy bits of each one to make me stand
To attention, fuel the engine, overheating
I need to reduce the tension
There's a few women who I'd mention
But I won't 'cause I don't want to offend them
I'm not aiming to start wars, but ay, this game is hardcore
It could be what my YouTube channel got a black mark for

[Hook]
You are the wielder of the sacred sword
Saving buxom maidens from the taint of war
You are the wielder of the sacred sword
It's a serious game, we are not making porn (It's art)

[Outro]
In case you didn't get it, "sacred sword" is a metaphor for a willy
Yes, a willy
This game is all about your willy